Page 94 of Deceit

But I want fully committed and not the half-ass relationship that she wants to keep with me. It would mean that Emmy would have to be fully vulnerable to the things I can’t do with me opening up.

Something she and I just have areallyhard time doing.

“What do you want me to say, Emmy? I’m a fuck up. I’mfuckedup. My past is a lot of the reason why I can’t free up. I have a difficult time connecting and expressing shit. I’m not perfect, but I’d try if you’d let me.”

“You can’t even tell me how you feel right now.”

“I just did.”

“A crush, Bish, that’s high school shit.”

“Then I have active feelings for you, Rhodes, how’s that? I know what you want from me, but you won’t give either.” Her nostrils flare because Emmy has never told me she loved me either. We’re at a crossroads where both of us are still scared of the other.

“You told me to date.”

I nod. “I did.”

“And Ihave.”

“But you can’t fully move on without me now, can you?”

“You won’t let me.”

“Because I’m not ready to let you go.”

“That’s not fair,” she mutters. “You can’t keep me.”

“Don’t I already?”

She shoves against my chest, but I don’t move. “You’re an asshole. I’m not going to tell our closest friends that I married you when you can’t even tell me you love me.”

“Do you love me, Ems?”

“Why would—“

“See—“ I wag a finger at her. ”—you want me to say it first in case I never do. You never said it either. Why do you want to divorce me anyway? You’re not serious with anyone, and if I die, you get all my shit.”

“Seriously? You think that’s what this is about? I don’t want your shit.”

“You get my dog.”

“Fine, but what are you going to leave behind a Zippo lighter and your bow and arrow? The hell am I going to do with that?”

“Change your name to Robin Hood?”

“You aredumb.And see, we never get things situated. It lands on crap like this, and we…we just don’t work. I wanted us to, but…this is why you don’t get in relationships with your co-workers.”

“But we did. And here we are. And it’s your fortieth birthday, and I want—“

“I’mnotforty!”

I smile. I can’t help it. I fucking love driving this woman absolutely insane.

Leaning forward, Emmy’s chin raises to follow my gaze.

I don’t say another word because my actions have always spoken louder anyway.

My tongue swipes against her lips before ours meet. She opens her mouth without question for me, and this is it—us.

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