Page 157 of Deceit

You’re only supposed to die once, that’s how God intended it to be. And for the grief and pain that I put B723 through, I’m not relying on any of them forgiving me after this.

The deal was that Lucien was going to tell Alexander that I suffered and died from intense bleeding. Mills identified my body, and I passed away from a car accident, having to have an emergency birth to my twins to save their lives.

I could only touch my son and daughter through clear plastic once before I had to go.

I barely saw them through all the tears that flooded my eyes. My words definitely weren’t English as I promised I’d be back soon, and they’d be protected.

After my surgery, I spent less than twenty-four hours in the hospital before Lucien and Mills transported me out dressed with a hoodie over my head by ambulance. Then Mills was taking me to the safe house that I rented.

When I believed that saying goodbye to B723 would’ve been the most challenging thing imaginable, leaving behind Atlas and Alaric is worse.

They’re mine, and I can’t have them.

They’d be pawns for Alexander, and he would fight Mills tooth and nail to have them back.

Because unfortunately, I received more bad news.

A piece that made my skin crawl and my wanting to go back in time and change every poor decision regarding Alexander that I’ve made.

Alaric and Atlas are his children.

I practically fell from my hospital bed in despair when Lucien came to me with the results. This couldn’t get any worse. I’m already failing as a mother, to my friends.

I have to kill my children’s father—period.

Putting him in jail is too risky because he could also get a plea deal, get off early on good behavior and come back for revenge.

Return back for the kids.

I can’t do that.

I’m not going to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life and become a helicopter mom, strangling my kids with my worry because Alexander is still breathing.

I’m leaving nothing to chance and losing everything in return.

For my funeral, it’ll be a closed casket due to my mangled body, as Lucien so kindly suggested. Mills promised me pink flowers, but I wish for a miracle where I could go back nine months and do this differently.

I don’t regret my children.

I just hate that I lethimin.

Now in the car with my best friend, he hasn’t spoken to me since we left the hospital. But he’s been there, just silently, every step of the way, and I haven’t pressed to have him entertain me nor pretend like this is okay.

This is so beyond jacked up as you can get.

The biggest deceit.

But it comes with the peace of knowing that no one from B723 will suffer any consequences for the bad choices I’ve made. Without them comes the solace of not having to worry about them so I can do this job and get it over with.

On our way to my new temporary place of residence, I had to listen to every single one of Mills’ phone calls—to Marty, Kyson, Blue, and Ledger—about plans and arrangements for my last hoorah.

It was cryptic and awful. I’ve double-guessed my decision every time Mills repeated the words but reminded myself of why I’m doing this in the first place.

Mills is at his wits’ end with me, and now he has to go up against B723 as he fathers my twins in secret.

That’s what we’re hoping for anyway.

The half-ass plan is that I’ll be done with Alexander before the twins even get out of the NICU. No one will know. All I need my best friend to do is make sure Atlas and Alaric never get put into my ex’s hands.

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