Page 95 of Bona Fide

“I have to go,” I blurt, stepping back from Stranger-Chase and pivoting for the door.

Shoving it open, I pray I break it off its hinges.

I pray that my heart slows down so that I don’t land in the hospital right next to Mama.

I pray that I can look at Marty again and not feel distant from him.

I pray that I can forgive myself for staying with Wade and letting him remain in my life when Demi warned me off because I can’t take anymore.

My mind can’t comprehend any more surprises. My head feels like it’s been whipped and jerked in a tornado just to land into an alternate universe where my whole life is a lie.

I guess I wasn’t as good as I thought I was with keeping my guard up, but I was trying to learn. I was attempting to make a new chapter for myself and live a happy life.

But this section of my story just turned dark, lonely, and hopeless in means of making some life-altering decisions again.

I led myself here. I denied the fact that I was stepping into quicksand with Wade and still lingered around like a sixteen-year-old with a mad crush on someone who had the world in his hands.

Wade couldn’t save me because he can’t save his damn self. He’s not my Superman but Batman, a dark shadowy figure that sticks around with all his pretty gadgets of words and declarations.

And I’m the fucking Joker.

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