Page 48 of Bona Fide

Me: Yeah but, you see, you could be someone with a vision impairment or maybe girls have lied to you in the past and said it was big.

Chase: LOL, you’re an asshole.

Me: Aww...but you said I was intriguing!

Chase: Intriguingly an asshole with your comments.

Me: *smiley face*

Me: What do you want for Christmas, I am an asshole, I didn’t get you anything.

Chase: Honestly—nothing.

Me: Please hold.

Jumping from the couch, I walk to the bathroom and lock the door. Pulling up my reindeer sweater that Mama makes me wear every year, I snap a picture of my white cotton bra and torso. (Hey, I’m trying to be comfortable.)

Sending it over to Chase, I go back into the family room to wake Mama up and get her to bed. Once that’s done and she kisses my forehead before letting me leave, I go into the spare bedroom I always stay in and plop down on the bed to find several messages from Chase.

Chase: Are those antlers on your sweater?

I roll my eyes because he seriously is a cute moron.

Chase: Where do I buy one of those sweaters?

Chase: Oh yeah—damn you’re smoking hot woman.

Chase: Got distracted by that sweater though.

Me: Are you really hating on my Christmas sweater?

Chase: More like I’m entranced by the numerous designs of red and green on that thing.

Me: My mama bought it so who’s the asshole now?

Chase: *raises hand*

Chase: I’m going to start using my “Dad” card on you to make you feel bad.

Me: Shit, has he passed away?

Chase: No, but he’s a HUGE Patriots fan.

Me: You’re an idiot and your dad needs to get his entire life.

Chase: Who’s the asshole now?

Me: Still you!

Chase: If it wasn’t for the amazing visual of your body, I’d be ending this conversation right now.

Me: Would probably be a Christmas Miracle if you did.

Chase: *blocked*

Being the alleged asshole that I am, I snap another shot of myself, this time of me yanking down my jeans and panties to tease him.

Chase: *unblocked*

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