Page 156 of Bona Fide

“Are things getting more serious with Enzo?”

I shake my head even though he can't see me. “No.”

“Do you like him better or—”

“No. It’s about me being by myself and progressing with my business. Mama and Marty—there are just a lot of things that I want to do. With no strings attached or any liabilities to—”

“I’m a liability now?” he snaps.

“No, absolutely—shit.” I slam my fist into my desk. “No, you’re not. Not like that.”

“Seems like I am, Rea, because I was one before. I suffered the most out of every fucking one, and I don’t have shit to show for it. You won’t even give me a chance when I never did anything wrong in the first place.”

“You’re right,” I convey. “So, right. I fucked up, and I will be forever sorry for it. But you deserve better than me."

“Don’t make decisions for me,” he fumes. “I’m a grown man. And I know what I want.”

“I know you are. I’m not trying to belittle you, Jed, I swear.”

“Then don’t. I’m good for you, Rea.”

“It can’t be me. I’m sorry but—”

"I'm getting really tired of the sorry bit. I want us to start over. If you want me to move to be closer to you, then I will. But you gotta give me something other than your body, Rea. I had your heart once, I want it back."

“I don’t have it anymore,” I gripe. “It’s gone.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I snap. “Just let me go.”

“So I meant shit. You know what—” He releases a heavy exhale. “—I’m done with your mental abuse. You’re so fucked up. Do you even know how much I tried to feel alright after you'd come over with Grant? When you made out in front of me. How many times I wanted to just never wake up again because you wouldn't be mine the next morning. But, oh, those memories I got to think of—what Grant was doing to you, how he got to hold and kiss you. How he got to—"

“Stop,” I seize. “I fucking get it.”

"I don't fucking think you do, Rea. I did nothing to deserve what you did to me. I had no pull on my father and what he did to your mom."

“I know. I’m—”

“I told you—begged you not to leave me. And do you remember what you said?” I do, I just don’t want to remember. “Do you?”

“You were never anything that was going to be long term anyway,” I leer through clenched teeth. “You’re just a rich boy who can’t make an executive decision to stand up for someone they allegedly love.”

He steps towards me with furrowed brows. “I do love you, Rea, with everything I have.”

I dismiss his sentiment with a wave of my hand. He did nothing. He didn’t fight for me. He had no balls to stick up for what was right.

He was absolutely worthless to have around.

“Mama doesn’t have health insurance anymore because of what—Your father! He fired her because she had to go to a few appointments for her cancer. Do you see how fucked up that is?! Now, what is she supposed to do?” I point at myself. “How am I supposed to live without her?”

“He won’t listen to me,” he objects with a bow of his head into his Abercrombie shirt. “I’m still trying.”

"It doesn't matter." I take a step back from him, disgusted and utterly ashamed that I ever felt anything for someone so weak. "Your brother is a better fuck, anyways."

“I remember,” I deadpan.

“I deserve a chance—us,” Jed quips. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” I bite my lower lip—hard.

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