Page 21 of Bona Fide

“Can’t.”

A simple contraction but it’s complicated. I think I’m forming an ulcer with the way my gut won’t stop writhing and straining in anticipation and anguish.

I’m not heartbroken.

I refuse to believe that. I haven’t known him that long.

Do I have strong feelings for him? Yes.

Do I want to? No.

Will I get over this? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Just not at the speed that I want right now.

I don’t want to feel this way anymore.

I need him to stay away from me. To let me work in peace so that it’s not so awkward. I also need him to stop using his powers as my boss to make me listen to him.

“One dance won’t kill you,” Wade croons, attempting to inch me closer to the dancing couples.

“I’m not worried about me,” I retort. “It’s me kneeing you in the middle of that crowd that you should be concerned with.”

Wade hums. “Mhm, funny. I strongly remember you sucking on my cock like you wanted it a few weeks back.” My next comment was at the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed it back to wave at a gentleman who I met earlier. “I miss you, Shelton.”

I miss you.

God, he has no idea how much I feel the same. Tears burn the back of my eyes, but I’ll drown myself in the fountain out front before letting them fall.

“Good for you,” I manage to get out, keeping my focus on the dancing couples in front of us.

The dance floor is littered in beautiful gowns, sparking against the chandeliers above. The music is something by Dean Martin, making the atmosphere nostalgic and placid. If I wasn't experiencing my inner turmoil, I’d be able to enjoy this.

His fingers brush down my palm and jerks back my next inhale. My skin warms immediately to Wade’s touch. His silent need for me to do as he asks tugs at strings that have no reason to be touched or reacting right now.

“Your reputation is on the line tonight,” I reprimand mildly. “Don’t push it.”

“As is yours. You wouldn’t want to be known as the party planner who assaults the governor, would you?”

“Alright,” I surmise, straighten my spine. “You can have your little dance if it makes you hard like a horny teenage boy.” I glance over and up at him. “I’m used to it.” I see his jaw set as he practically shoves me into the masses and finds a spot for us to join the song.

His hand clasps mine without waiting for me, the other pressing into the dip of my spine. Slowly, he starts to sway us side to side, regally standing in front of me with his chin raised like the sovereign that he is.

I’m the poor girl from Daphne, trying to make her way out to live a comfortable life for Mama and Marty.

Wade Lockwood won’t mess that up for me.

He won’t see me falter or fall, recognize the hurt in my eyes along with the betrayal, because I’d never give that power to him. He doesn’t own any piece of me that I can’t yank back from him.

Except memories—he owns all of those. He possesses all of those lust-filled moments where nothing in the world mattered. My body was his, humming to his prescence and touch like it’s doing right the fuck now.

And my heart, well, he almost stole that.

Too bad I’m one to throw punches.

---