Page 125 of Bona Fide

If you didn’t remind me of the shit I’ve done.

If I could stop living in the past.

If I could rid myself fully of the man who walked away unscathed.

Not only have I literally fucked Jed over with Grant, but I used him again to crush Wade.

Jed is like a walking, talking pawn that I’ve used for my own gains and sporadic, petty ideas.

I’d tell him that I’m no good for him—I have before, but he refuses to listen to me. He always wants to come back for more.

Come home to him.

And because I like to plunge into my own self-loathing as of late, I dive in headfirst.

I get lost in Jed while I’m home, and I let Enzo screw my brains out when I’m in New York.

It takes the edge off.

It makes me slightly buzzed and high without the weed. It helps me believe that I can survive and withstand the things that have happened in the course of a year.

The nights alone are the worst though. That’s when I break out a joint and inhale myself into an alpine high just to sleep.

Jed’s hands land on my hips. “Stand up, babe.” I do what he asks, and he twirls me around to sit on the edge of the hot tub. The steam off our bodies floats around us as he pulls out a condom from his shorts lying on the edge of the hot tub and rips the wrapper with his teeth. Sheathed, he looms forward and shoves my bottoms away again.

His lips press into mine, slowly taking his time before he positions himself against my clit. Rubbing his head along my sensitive area, he breaks his mouth from mine and pulls back to look into my eyes. Then he slowly enters me, his jaw slack as my pussy squeezes around him.

Just the look of pleasure on his face makes me wetter. That my body is something that he lavishes in makes me feel beautiful and wanted—things I haven’t felt in a long time from someone that I wanted to feel those things with.

“Mhmm...Rea…” He nudges deeper into me. “Wrap your legs around me.”

Shrouding around him, he’s able to get closer, deeper until we’re chest to chest and he’s balls deep inside me.

He starts to pump leisurely inside me, watching my face to get off more. His eyes are dark in the moonlight, burrowing into me as he picks up his momentum.

“Yeah,” I moan. “Just like that.” He bites his lower lip, keeping his hands on either side of me but taunting me without his touch.

One thing about Jed is that he keeps me wanting more when he gets going. He may nag me to come home to be with him, but when it comes to sex, he knows how to rope me in and keep me landing back here.

He glances down between us, watching himself enter in and out of me, always linked somehow no matter what has happened in our lives.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he growls. “I wonder if I touch your clit if you’ll soak my cock up with this pussy.” I practically mewl at the thought, but he does nothing to test his theory.

He wants me to beg, knowing that I’ll stretch my pride and drive myself crazy thinking about it.

Craning his head back to eye level with me, he nudges himself a little deeper than the last thrust just to watch my head tilt back some. “That feel good, Rea?”

I nod, pride and all, and watch a smirk slowly appear on his face.

“Are you going to come all over my cock for me?”

Another nod.

“Am I going to hear my name off your lips?”

No.

The pad of his thumb brushes my clit, and I sway towards him as he begins to torturously work my sensitive nub.

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