Page 155 of Catfish

“You shouldn’t be,” he deadpans.

"Any good ideas come from these long nights of thinking?" I exhale slowly through my nose, rearranging my brain so that we can get back to professional and not push this—sexual tension that hovers between us.

Wade actually sighs and picks up his coffee mug. “Fresh out.”

“Mind if I suggest something?” He perks a brow as he takes a sip of his brew. “You’re a good-looking man, Governor, I’m sure you know that.”

“I’m not going to disagree with you if that’s what you’re waiting on, Miss Shelton.”

"You live under a rock," I assert, ignoring his seeping self-confidence, the bastard. "I've only heard your name once before working for you. If you showed an ounce of personality, I bet you could get the women vote in this country easily."

"You want me to sell myself for votes?" He licks his bottom lip, which makes me cross my legs in frustration.

“Do you not have any charm?” A mirthless chuckle escapes him, a perfect combination of both rich and baritone, as he goes back for another sip of his coffee.

“You looked pretty frazzled a minute ago,” he replies over his mug. “So, I’d say yes.” My jaw hardens because...well, he’s right. But he didn’t have to point it the hell out. “What would you suggest I do then, Miss Shelton?” His index finger brushes against the rim of his mug as he waits for my next reaction.

Defensive would mean I give two fucks about him noticing how he makes me want to drop my panties and bend over the nearest flat surface.

Nonchalant, safer route keeps him guessing and maintains the fragments of what I have left of my ego.

“Smile.”

“Smile?”

“You have one hell of a smile, Governor.” Then he laughs—laughs as he bows his head into his chest.

Yep, that smile and that laugh—he’d have the female vote in the palm of his hands without even having to try.

“Anything else?”

"We'll start small," I reply. "Don't want to overwhelm you. By the time I'm done, you'll have more than half of the female population eye-fucking you."

He rolls his eyes as his mouth curves again. “You’re something else.”

“Exactly—” I grab my plastic cup of orange soda. “—not basic.”

“Definitely not that.”

The chatter of the diner fills the space around us, and Wade polishes off the rest of his coffee. I've lost the rest of my appetite the moment he started to creep out of his rigid and tedious demeanor and showed that inside him lives a man who wants to come out. Who wants to flirt with a girl across the table and not have to worry about what the world thinks of him.

I want that man too.

But that's a risk my mental state and heart aren't ready to take. I'm not prepared to take a chance on Wade when it comes to long term or even short. He's in between career plans, which include major public visibility, and I've played second best before.

Though Grant is a different species all on his own, Wade and him are politicians. I don’t think I’ll survive another few years of a life like that. I already went off the rails when Chase said goodbye to me a few weeks ago, what would I do in a relationship if it failed under the spotlight again?

It gives me a twinge of anxiety as Wade pulls his wallet out and throws a few twenties on the tabletop for the bill and tip.

“Are you all done eating?” I nod, digesting the simple fact that I have a tendency to go for men who would leave me for something better—their careers, someone better, someone who isn’t as broken and battered as me.

While Grant didn’t physically or mentally abuse me, he did enough emotional damage. Just as much as I threw myself into the den of lions to get back at Jed.

Everything I've done, I did to myself. I was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off at the next opportunity because I was toxic. The roadblocks of life hit me too young, and I thought I could conquer and batter them down with a sledgehammer.

But sometimes, I think I'm still that little girl who played with my two Barbie dolls, dreamt of a house with a big backyard, a lake, and a bunch of dogs. Before Mama got sick and Marty left us to go take care of all the potent issues we were having. When the slums of Daphne swallowed me whole, and I began to learn that not everyone is a good person.

I’ve been in my own fucking head ever since Grant and Jed Hardison—there’s no room for Wade and his alluring charm.

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