Page 14 of Catfish

Chase: You’re the only one I’ve talked to.

Me: Really?

Chase: Really.

Me: Why did you sign up on here?

Chase: Could ask you the same exact question. I’m sure it’s hard to walk with the amount of drool that follows you everywhere.

Me: Ew! Awesome visual while I’m eating.

Chase: Oops.

Chase: How did you end up on here?

Me: My friend told me to try it. Kept bugging me, so I did it over a night of beer and Netflix.

Chase: No broken heart story?

Me: Nope.

Chase: So you break the hearts.

Me: Never intentionally.

Chase: You're just striking out left and right, Sox. First, you're a danger to my mental state with your choice of teams. You have a smart mouth that verbally abuses me. Now you're after my heart.

Me: You caught me. Now what?

Chase: Give me your number.

Normally, I think a girl would be scared to give some random dude her phone number after, what, less than an hour of messaging.

Me, I’m not afraid to tell someone to fuck off or use my handy “blocking” feature on my phone.

Whoever made it was an absolute genius.

I fire my number off to him, warning him to not get weird with it. Then he responds back through a text that has my jaw gaping open a little.

Chase: You’re on a dating website because there seems to be no man you’ve come across yet that can make those beautiful violet eyes roll back into that pretty skull of yours.

It’s on now.

Dropping my fork, I use both hands to staple out my next message.

Me: You could be right. Or maybe it’s because I’m never satisfied.

Now, that’s half a lie.

I'm around young, aspiring, attractive men all the time, it's just that they all have lines and agendas. I don't mind a one-night stand, but I do mind the part where you think you can call me and tell me to stop and jump on your cock whenever you feel the need.

Chase: If you had the right man, you wouldn’t need to worry about that.

Me: Which I’m assuming is you?

Chase: Not until you burn all your Steelers and Red Sox shit.

Chase: Ever think of shredding it in a wood chipper? Maybe that’s why a man can never satisfy you. The coloring is off.

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