Page 8 of Catfish

Me: Myself, well, I’m pretty bomb. I like long walks on the beach and cuddling up with my cat on the couch while watching reruns of Friends. You?

I hit send and shrug. I’ve never watched Friends, just picked the most obnoxious-looking show that came to my head.

Marching back inside, I go to the minibar to pour myself a whiskey, knowing I’m going to be making some bad decisions tonight by even playing into this exchange. It’s not even my phone, but since Chase wanted to hand it over and have me watch it so closely...he’ll think twice about not having his shit locked.

Back outside, Chase’s phone buzzes on cue.

Reagan: Cute.

Me: Not a fan?

Reagan: You look like someone who watches CSPAN and football.

Me: A little judgy, don’t you think?

Reagan: A little sensitive?

Me: If I actually liked Friends, then probably.

Reagan: Was I right on the football and CSPAN?

Me: Right on the football, and I’d walk in front of a bus before watching CSPAN.

Reagan: Suicidal, not sensitive, got it.

Me: And you’re a woman with more heels than space in her closet, and Jersey boys are so totally hot.

Reagan: Make that Chucks and dark-haired guys with broad shoulders would totally get that phrase from me.

Me: And you’re talking to me because…

Reagan: I liked your face.

Reagan: But then something happened…

Me: And that was?

Reagan: Were you borrowing that New England Patriots jersey or…

Me: Um, NO, it’s mine.

Reagan: *user not found*

Me: Please don’t tell me you’re a New York Jets fan.

Reagan: New York, who?

Reagan: I bleed black and gold, baby.

Me: *eye roll* Steelers fan.

Reagan: Need you to say that with a little more pep there, Champ.

Me: Champ is right, how many SuperBowls did we win again?

Reagan: And how many will you lose when Tom Brady decides to retire?

Me: If I had a dollar for every time some jealous bystander said that, I’d be rich.

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