Page 115 of Catfish

“I’ve only been to Boston a few times,” I provide for the sake of conversation. “Really nice art scene going on there.”

“The traffic is horrible.”

“I honestly didn’t notice, was more than likely in the back of my car reading over reports and bills that someone wanted to be passed.”

“Never a dull moment, that I can relate to.”

“That being said, I’ll let you choose the wine. I didn’t want to order you something you didn’t like.”

Heidi leans over the table. "No offense, Governor, but after the week I've had, I'm ready for an actual drink. And thankfully, since you closed off half the place, I won't have myself in the newspaper as a day drinker."

On cue, the waiter comes over to ask for Heidi’s drink order. They converse over the drink specials while I fire off another text to Reagan.

Me: I’ll hold you to that.

Me: Don’t give away what’s mine.

And she can take that however she wants because I mean it.

Some men might take her body from me, but I have this. I have her words that are organic and real.

As myself, Reagan throws up her front and her hard-ass veneer to keep herself safe. I don't know if it's because she's been hurt or if Grant Hardison has something to do with it, but it's there.

When I’m Chase, everything disappears—for the both of us.

I can be me, the true me, while she spits out whatever she wants because I think deep down, we both know we’ll never meet each other—as me being Chase and her being her. It’s better this way because if she found out about me, everything would get worse and I’d lose her.

I’d lose Sox.

The waiter asks me again if I'd like anything besides water, and I order my usual whiskey before he saunters off.

Heidi folds her hands over the table and fixes me with a smile. “How are the delegates coming along?”

“Ever plan on running for president, Mrs. Lauder?”

“Heidi,” she inserts. “And hell no.”

I smirk. “Good answer.”

"Then why are you? Surely you have a dream of having a family, and—" she continues speaking, but my brain is stuck on the word "family." It sputters wishes and dreams that I'll never have because of the choices I've made and the lies that spewed afterward.

It ruined me for anything or anyone until I met Reagan.

The hard truth was that fate dangled her in front of me, and I couldn't go there with her. I couldn't be that for her.

"Easy answer," I tell Heidi when she stops to wait for my mine. The one that I've said over a million times when being asked the same question. "This country gets promised that changes will happen, but where are the results of those said changes? Taxes and healthcare are two significant political capitals of buying votes and support, but what about the small ones that go overlooked until you want to run for your second term, and the people are begging to be heard on other topics? Because let's say you've changed the tax bracket and reformed healthcare to make it more available and affordable to all citizens, what then? Normally, you talk about the problems overseas, who has the next nuclear bomb, or what terrorist organization we need to save Americans from.

"Well, who's going to save Americans when they live in the ghetto and have to hustle just to put food on the table? When jobs are limited, so the only thing you're open to is running drugs because that job you applied for is being given to either some privileged white kid or you're competing with ten other people in the same neighborhood. Jobs, Heidi, we need jobs. We need to bring more money flow into our country instead of China making all of our goods. We need to build up small communities and schools to educate and give hope to those who couldn't afford to go to college or had to drop out to make money.

“We need to—”

“I’m so glad I wasn’t late for lunch,” a male voice interrupts me as the chair to my left gets pulled out from under the table. “I’m so sorry to cut you off, Son.”

My narrow focus lands on the man who I used to call father, now turned Henry, as he unravels his silverware from the white napkin and drops it in his lap.

“Mrs. Lauder,” Henry greets with a rehearsed smile. He holds out a hand for her to shake and cups it when she takes his. “It is so nice to see you. Congratulations on landing AG.”

That was over two years ago, you stupid fucker.

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