Page 35 of Our Now and Forever

Lorelei chuckled. “Don’t feel sorry for me, girlfriend. Spencer is determined to show me all that we missed out on during our twelve years apart.” Her eyes took on a far-away look. “What that man can do in a shower should be an Olympic sport.”

Snow would never be able to look Spencer in the eye again. “I give,” she said. “No, I did not get lucky. Yes, I was thinking about it. End of conversation.”

Following her Monday morning routine, Lorelei proceeded to set out her newest batch of sugary goodness. “At least you’re entertaining the notion, which is more than you seemed willing to do yesterday. What changed?”

Embarrassed by her erratic behavior, Snow kept the details to a minimum. “I had a bit of a meltdown,” she said, slipping around the counter to help Lorelei set up. “Two days ago I had this nice little life I’d created for myself. I had no past, and definitely no dark secrets for the gossip lines. Then Caleb strolled into town and boom. Reality hit like a freight train.”

“You can never outrun your past,” Lorelei said, arranging slices of nut bread on a round platter, then placing a glass dome over them. “Trust me, I tried.”

Lorelei was proof that a woman’s past could be overcome. Or at least not stand in the way of future happiness.

“How did you do it?” she asked. Snow had witnessed Lorelei’s triumph over the town that had branded her persona non grata once upon a time, but didn’t know how exactly she and Spencer had found their way back to each other. Snow had never mustered up the nerve to ask about the intimate details.

Lorelei moved on to arranging gingersnaps. “In our case, I was the problem. I’d always had a chip on my shoulder, and when I came back from LA, my self-esteem was in the crapper, to put it mildly.” The cinnamon wafers were pushed to one side to make room for the sugar cookies. “I don’t think Spencer and I are unique. You have to fight and talk and fight some more. In the end, he stood by me, and that woke me up.”

Snow didn’t know what to say. Part of her felt bad for prying into her still-new friend’s personal life, while another lamented the fact that Lorelei’s explanation didn’t help her own situation in the least. She and Caleb were from different worlds, whereas Spencer and Lorelei had very similar experiences. And knowing that she wasn’t the wife he needed had nothing to do with Snow’s self-esteem. Theirs were more circumstantial problems, not emotional roadblocks.

“Do you love him?” Lorelei asked, taking Snow by surprise. They’d thrown the L-word around during their brief marriage, but Snow was never sure if she was saying it because she meant it, or out of obligation. Married couples were supposed to say “I love you,” right?

The realization hit that in all his pleading and negotiating, Caleb hadn’t uttered the four-letter word even once.

Wanting to be honest, with Lorelei and with herself, Snow said, “I care about him. I think, before I left, that I was falling for him.”

“Whoa.” Lorelei set her sheet of cookies on the counter behind them. “You married a guy without knowing if you loved him?”

“I told you,” Snow said, feeling defensive, “we got married in Vegas. It wasn’t planned, and we sure as heck didn’t put much thought into it.”

“Getting married isn’t about thought, it’s about feelings.”

Grabbing a handful of chocolate chip cookies, Snow returned to the dessert display. “You sound like a greeting card.”

“And you’re dodging the issue.” Lorelei put her hand on Snow’s wrist and waited for her to make eye contact. “Do you love him?”

Buying time, Snow arranged the cookies, and then she stepped back, brushing the crumbs from her fingers. “The truth is, I’ve spent eighteen months trying not to love him. It’s taken him less than forty-eight hours to undo all my hard work.”

This was a confession Snow neither liked nor had intended to say aloud. If anything, admitting this particular truth was the most dangerous thing she could do. Not saying the words meant she could pretend her heart could still be saved.

“Oh, sweetie.” Lorelei put her arm around Snow’s shoulders. “If it makes you feel any better, I had twelve years to get over Spencer, and you see how well that worked out.”

“Has anyone told you that you suck at this sort of thing?” Snow asked, desperate to lighten the mood. Lorelei squeezed her shoulders tighter before returning to the treats. “We did have a good talk last night,” Snow said. “We came to an agreement about how to proceed.”

“Good for you,” Lorelei said. “I’m still deep enough in the mushy-love stage to want everyone to be as happy as I am.”

“I didn’t say we agreed to stay together,” Snow clarified. “Caleb has this crazy idea that we can fix all our problems, or at least get around my misgivings about our marriage, by going back to dating.”

“Now you lost me.” A cookie broke in Lorelei’s hand, and she said, “Oh darn. Now I’ll have to eat this one.” She held out half to Snow.

“If we must.” Snow couldn’t turn down even a piece of a Lulu’s Home Bakery cookie. “He lost me, too, when he made the suggestion, but it kind of makes sense. We dated for two months and found ourselves married. Before we call the whole thing off, Caleb suggested we pick up where we left off before that ill-advised trip to Vegas. Since no one in town knows we’re actually married, besides you and Spencer, we can return to dating and see how things go.”

“Isn’t that called a do-over?”

“Yes, but considering how crazy the rest of our relationship has been, I agreed to give it a try. Or pretend to, anyway.”

“So no matter what happens in the next few weeks, you won’t change your mind and stay with him?” Lorelei asked.

Vivien’s threat loomed in the air like an ax about to drop.

“I won’t change my mind,” Snow said. She couldn’t, even if she wanted to.

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