“Nothing. After you called yesterday, it made me realize that we … we want different things. That … that you see our relationship as something more than I did. It’s not fair to you. I’ve been leading you on, giving you hope that there was more to things than there is. So … so, it’s better if we go our separate ways.”
“I don’t believe you. You’re just panicking because I said I want to marry you.”
“You’re right. I did panic, but then I thought about it and I realized that it’s not what I want.” The more I speak, the easier it gets. Because what I’m telling him is the truth. It’s simply a truth I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge before now. I hate that the situation I’ve put myself in is the thing that has made me see it. “You deserve someone better than me. Someone who puts you first.”
“Ashley—”
“I’m sorry. I’m not the person you want me to be. I’m sorry I led you on. I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way that you do. And I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to admit it. I haven’t been fair. I’ve been selfish. I know that now. Please don’t call me again. Have a good life, Scott.” I end the call, navigate into contacts and block his number.
I should be upset. I should be raging over what Zain has forced me to do, and maybe, in a day or two when it all sinks in, that’s how I will feel. But right now? Right now, I feel strangely relieved.
My cell bursts into life again. This time it’s Jessa-Mae. I take a deep breath and answer it.
“Hi, Jessa.”
“Don’t hi Jessa me. What the fuck is going on, Ashley?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why did our landlord call and ask if we had anyone lined up to take your room once you’ve moved out?”
My stomach flips. I didn’t think the landlord would say anything. Not yet, anyway. I should have known better.
“You better be about to explain to me what the fuck you’re playing at and not just opting to give me the silent treatment in the hopes I let it go.” Jessa’s voice is hard.
“No. Look, Jessa. Things are weird right now. I have to stay here and I don’t know how long that’s going to be for.” Yes, you do. Fourteen months. He’s already told you that. “ It makes no sense for me to keep paying rent for a place I won’t be living in for the next year, at least.”
“Year? What the hell? Is your mom sick? Is that why you’re staying there?”
“No, she’s fine.”
“Then why? And what about your job?”
“I …” I lick my lips, then try and swallow past the dryness in my throat, before replying. “I quit my job this morning.”
“What?”
“Please don’t worry. Everything is fine.”
“Are you having some kind of early mid-life crisis?”
“Of course not.”
“Then please make it make sense.”
“I … I’ve met someone, and I want to explore where it might lead.”
“You’ve been home for two days. How the hell have you met someone? What about Scott?”
“I broke things off with Scott this morning. It wasn’t all that serious with him.”
“You’ve been together for three years, and he was going to ask you to marry him. How is that not serious?”
Her words surprise me, but I squash the shock down. “How do you know that?”
“He came to the house while you were working last week and asked me and Karla for advice.”
“You knew? You knew and didn’t say anything to me?”