Page 161 of Dare To Fall

I want to hug him tight, but I remain still beside him. As much as I want to take away his pain, I can’t.

The drive to the crematorium seems to take forever. A countless number of mourners dressed in black are waiting around outside when we arrive. People stop and glance our way as we get out of the vehicle, all their eyes on Eli.

Ignoring them, I lean into him, offering my support. “We need to go inside, okay?”

He nods.

I take charge again and guide him toward the steps and up to the doors. As much as I’m guessing he doesn’t want to face this, he needs it in order to move on and heal. The somber interior of the crematorium has been decorated with white flowers. When I take a deep breath, the perfume is sickly sweet to my nose. Light pours in through the stained-glass windows leaving puddles of color over the cold marble floor. It’s beautiful, but it also stirs unpleasant memories.

Kellan on the altar, bathed in a rainbow, his eyes staring glassily ahead.

Don’t think.

Eli is screaming his name over and over.

Don’t cry.

Eli’s hands covered in blood, and Kellan’s chest soaked in red.

Keep moving.

We’re directed forward up to the seats of pews to the front. Elliot slips in first, then Elena, until I’m sandwiched between her and Eli. Familiar faces surround us—students and teachers from the school. Others I don’t recognize that, I guess, are Kellan’s family. So many people here paying their respects to a boy whose life was cut short too soon.

I can’t bring myself to look up at the sleek black closed coffin or the photograph of Kellan that’s just above it. Instead, I focus on the boy beside me, keeping the icy hand that’s still clinging to mine in my lap. I stroke my thumb over his skin and try my best to warm it up. The rhythmic motion soothes a little of my nerves.

Eli sits staring ahead, his eyes locked on the coffin.

Sadness resonates between us—a thread connecting us at this one single point in time.

Goodbye, Kellan. I’m so sorry. It should have never ended this way.

I let the grief flow through me, breaking down the walls I’ve built so high until I taste the kiss of my tears on my lips as they roll down my cheeks and drip off my chin.

Chapter 109

Eli

The ceremony goes on and on. People stand up and say words. They might as well be speaking a foreign language for all the attention I pay them. My focus doesn’t shift from the coffin until everyone stands.

I don’t want to come back as a zombie. So, make sure they burn my body to ashes.

What if I die first?

Don’t be ridiculous. I’m going to die long before you. Monsters live forever, Eli. The pretty ones die young.

Are you saying I’m not pretty?

Of course not. Just not as pretty as I am. Anyway, you need to make sure they do it properly. I want everyone to watch while I burn. You’ll do that for me, won’t you?

You’re so fucking morbid, Kell.

Memories of the conversation we had over the pros and cons of burial or cremation run through my head while the coffin moves slowly into the furnace behind the curtains.

As the coffin disappears, my throat tightens. My heart is beating out a rapid rhythm against my ribs. I can’t breathe. I can’t watch while my friend burns. I need to get out.

Pulling my hand free from Arabella’s, I push past her.

“Eli?” She whispers my name, and I shake my head but don’t stop moving.

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