Page 88 of Dare To Fall

My attention shifts to the pile of sketchbooks. He has his fucking drawings to keep him busy while I have nothing but my thoughts. I send them flying off the table and feel a twinge of guilt the second they hit the floor. Scrambling to pick them up, my hand freezes over the first one that’s fallen open. There’s a picture of me—and it’s not like the violent one I’d seen before.

No, in this one, my head is bent over a book, and my bottom lip is caught between my teeth. I turn the page. In the next sketch, I’m asleep on a bed with my hand tucked under my cheek. I flick through the pages. Each one is a drawing of me. Portraits caught in candid moments of my life.

Chapter 57

Eli

The familiar creak of my bedroom door infiltrates the dream I’m in, and my eyes snap open. I frown, then relax back against the couch. I guess Arabella is taking a chance and searching my room while I’m out here. I’m not going to stop her. I have nothing to hide. I want her to know who I am. If she can figure that out by rummaging through my stuff, she’s welcome to do it.

I’ve spent the past week sorting through what had happened after watching the video that was uploaded. Of talking to Kellan, Principal Warren, and Counselor Clarke, I’d pieced together the sequence of events. Talking about it with the three of them brought me to the realization that the entire time since I returned to Churchill Bradley, whoever was messaging Arabella has been instilling a habit in me. By forcing me to react to everything she did, and punishing her when I didn’t, it had been drilled into me that I had to hurt her in order to save her.

Kellan thinks that the end game has always been that video. It contained triggers I’ve ignored for years and, combining those with the driving need to keep Ari alive, they turned me into the monster I’ve been accused of being.

But until Ari is ready to listen, I can’t explain any of that to her. When she finally acknowledged me, spoke to me, and fought with me, it gave me hope that we will get there. It’ll just take time and patience on my part. Something I’m not really good at, but I’m going to try my best because, otherwise, I might just lose everything that matters to me.

When my door creaks again, I close my eyes, so she doesn’t know I’m awake and let her make her escape. She was in there for a while. I have no idea what she saw. Definitely my clothes—nothing exciting to find there. My sketchbooks, maybe?

Maybe she went through my underwear. My lips twitch at the visual of her digging through my dresser.

I know she’s going to be looking for a cell phone, or some other way to communicate with the outside world, but she won’t find any. I wasn’t lying when I said Kellan has taken all our phones. If she’d give me five minutes of her time, I would tell her why.

I drift back off to sleep, still thinking about all the things I need to tell her.

***

The sound of rain hitting the roof wakes me. I push upright off the couch, rubbing the back of my neck to ease the stiffness. The room is in darkness, and as I swing around to put my feet on the floor, it’s lit up by lightning through the window. A low rumble of thunder follows shortly after.

Yawning, I make sure everywhere is locked up and then walk down the hallway to my bedroom. I pull off my hoodie, and toss it on top of the dresser, step out of my sweats and climb into bed. I have three sketchbooks on the nightstand, so I take the top one, and flick through it.

It’s full of pictures of Arabella. I find an empty page and set pencil to paper, sketching out an image of her from today. Her back to me in the kitchen as she makes her dinner, hair up in a messy ponytail, head turned so her profile is visible. Her nose screwed up as she concentrates.

A smile tugs my lips up as the image takes shape.

Long thick eyelashes curve over eyes narrowed in concentration. The fingers of one hand are drumming on the counter beside the stovetop as she fries the bacon.

Thunder rumbles overhead, and I climb out of bed to throw open the curtains and watch the storm. There’s a gap between the lightning and the thunder, so the storm isn’t overhead yet, but it’s getting closer. With each flash of lightning, I see the trees surrounding the cabin swaying in the wind.

A noise mixes in with the thunder and I frown, turning toward the door. Was that a scream? When it doesn’t happen again, I decide I must have imagined it. No real surprise with the storm raging outside.

I drag the curtains closed, climb back into bed and switch off the light. Settling back against the pillows, I close my eyes.

Chapter 58

Arabella

A flash of lightning illuminates the room in white, showing me the shape of Eli on the bed beneath the blanket. Thunder booms overhead a split second later, and blind terror has me diving for the mattress.

“What the—”

Ignoring Eli’s surprise, I flip back the blanket and scramble beneath it. I drag it back over us both, and burrow into his side with it over my head.

“Ari?” His voice is cautious.

When I don’t reply, a hand lightly touches my shoulder. “Ari, what are you doing?”

Another roar of thunder rounds and I grab at his chest like a frightened child, a whimper leaving my lips.

I’m six years old again, alone in the house with no power, the wind howling eerily outside in the middle of the night. Elena promised to be back from visiting a friend hours ago. One hour slid into three, and she’s still not home. I’m shaking so hard my teeth are rattling, and my heart feels as though it might just burst from my chest. I’m too scared to run next door and bang on Mrs. Goldmann’s front door for help. What if I get stuck outside? Where did Mommy go? Why did she leave me? I wasn’t a bad girl, so why isn’t she here keeping me safe?

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