Page 121 of Dare To Fall

“What if they figure out you’re watching them?”

Miles snorts. “None of them have figured out I’m gay in all the years we’ve been hanging out. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Even with his assurance, worries niggle at me. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m in contact with Kellan all the time, and just like you, I’ve been ordered not to wander around on my own without plenty of people around. In fact, I promised I’d text him as soon as we got here.”

“Kellan?”

Miles laughs as he pulls smoothly into a parking spot in the car lot. “He’s cute when he pretends not to be concerned about me.”

“You make a good couple.”

“Yeah, we do.”

It’s hard not to smile at his happiness. I unclip my seatbelt and climb out of the passenger side, while Miles gets out of his side and opens the trunk. It takes us three trips to get everything to the dorm building. My door is unlocked, and my room key is on the dresser, right where I left it.

After insisting to Miles that I’ll be okay, he agrees to go and unpack his own stuff and leave me alone. I open my cases. I don’t want to stand still. It only leads to thinking, and I’m already jittery. Once I’m done, I go through my things again, organizing them into types of clothes and colors. It feels strange not having Eli with me, not being able to stop whatever I’m doing to search him out for a kiss, or just to lean against him and soak up his warmth. I’ve grown used to his presence, the touch of his hands, his kisses on my neck. It’s as though I’ve left a piece of myself behind at the cabin. It’s going to be strange sleeping in a bed alone tonight. I’m so used to having his body wrapped around mine all night long.

He’ll be here soon.

That one thought sends warmth spreading through my body. I know he’s angry at me for not telling him about the diary, but it will pass. He’ll forgive me.

Are you sure about that?

“He will.” I say the words out loud.

And what version of Eli will he be when he gets here?

The stray thought worries me. I’ve discovered so many versions of Eli that I don’t know what to expect.

He’s the monster of the school and has an image to uphold.

Will the affectionate, teasing version of Eli I got used to at the cabin be gone?

**

The questions and fears are still tumbling through my head when I go down for dinner that evening. It’s busy with a lot of the students already back, but some familiar faces are still missing. There’s no sign of the two faces I’m looking for—Eli and Kellan aren’t at their usual table.

Where are they?

I see Miles with Lacy, Tina, Brad, Maggie, Bret, Garrett, and Evan. Garrett glances my way, his face still a bruised mess, and waves. Bret elbows him in the ribs, but he ignores him.

I wave back, guilt for the beating he’d taken from Eli washing over me, but I’m relieved to see a friendly face.

Lacy sends me an unfriendly glare before she whispers something in Tina’s ear. The other cheerleader looks my way, and laughs. My stomach twists.

Why did I imagine this time around it would ever be different? I’ve been kidding myself into thinking all the bad stuff would magically go away.

Ducking my head, I join the line for food, my attention darting to the doorway every time someone enters. There’s still no sign of Eli or Kellan. I hate that I can’t text them. Surely Miles would tell me if something was wrong, though?

Uncertainty circles like a vulture in my head. What if he’s been told not to tell me?

I linger over my food, barely aware of what I’m putting in my mouth. Students come and go while I sit at a table alone, waiting.

Eli never shows.

My heart is heavy in my chest when I finally give up and head back to my dorm room.

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