Page 62 of Dare To Live

“You said you wanted closure. You wanted to be able to move on. You wanted to prove that what happened between us was down to teenage hormones and heat of the moment. You didn’t want me to show you that the fire was still there, that teenage hormones had fuck all to do with what burns between us. You wanted closure. If I’d given you anything else …” My lips twist into a parody of a smile. “If I’d made love to you, you’d be just as angry with me. You’d accuse me of toying with your emotions, of trying to play you.” I reach out and stroke a finger over her lips. “I gave you what you demanded from me. I fucked you like I hated you.”

“You know that isn’t what it means!” Her whisper is full of fury. “I hate you, Eli. Hate you for how you made me feel!”

“That’s okay. I hate me, too.” It’s not the first time I’ve said that to her. I’d uttered those same words the night we first had sex, when I discovered she was a virgin. When I realized I was head over heels in love with her.

She stares at me, blue eyes intent, and whatever she sees on my face makes her give one small, sharp nod. She reaches out and takes my hand.

“Green.” She presses something into my palm and curls my fingers around it, then takes a step back. “Just for tonight. Green.”

I slowly lower my gaze to my hand and loosen my fingers on the material she’s placed there. Black, barely a handful of lace and silk, her panties are a scrunched-up ball in my palm. A smile tugs my lips up and I lift my hand to the breast pocket of my jacket and push the panties into it, then arrange them so they look like a handkerchief. Her cheeks turn pink.

“What are you doing? Put them away!”

I press two fingers beneath her chin and tip her head up. My thumb brushes over her bottom lip, pulling it free from her teeth. “The auction is about to start. You should go and find Elena.” I press a chaste kiss to her cheek and walk away.

Chapter 35

Arabella

Eli strides past me, leaving me even more confused. He hates me, but he wants to toy with me. After everything we’ve been through, I should have learned my lesson by now. Yet something keeps me going back. I’m a moth to his flame. The danger is addictive, the adrenaline a sweet rush I can’t resist.

It will lead to me getting burned so badly that I’ll end up in cinders.

I can’t let it slide into an obsession like last time. I’m not the same young girl starving for affection and alone in the world. The monster in the dark isn’t for keeps this time.

Eli has one night to play his game, and I have two days left with my mother before I head back to L.A. There’s no danger of me running into him there. We’re worlds apart. I’ll see what he plans to do this evening and enjoy the moment if he follows through with everything he’s promised. My traitorous insides melt with anticipation. If he doesn’t, I can always say red and walk away.

I go in search of my mother before the auction starts. My dress isn’t short enough for anyone to know I’m not wearing any underwear, but it still feels uncomfortable wandering around without my panties. I try to ignore the cool air brushing between my legs with every step I take.

I catch up to Elena as she’s moving away from a couple. As soon as she sees me, she smiles.

“Where’s Eli?”

“I don’t know. He told me to find you.”

Disappointment ripples across her expression. “I hope he isn’t going to hurry away after the event. It would be nice to see more of him.”

I follow her to where the rest of the guests are sitting in front of a stage.

“I’m sure he’ll hang around for a while.”

“I do hope so.”

When Ivan steps up onto the stage, everyone falls silent, all eyes turn to the man holding the microphone.

“Thank you for joining us this evening.” Ivan says. “The foundation we are here to support tonight does amazing work, and every cent you donate will go toward new land and buildings for the children who need it.”

My mother leans into me. “Oh look, there he is.”

At her whisper, my gaze shifts to the side of the stage where Eli stands beside Gabe Mercer. He catches me looking and raises his hand to gently stroke a finger along the lace of my panties. Gabe notices and whispers in Eli’s ear, then laughs at whatever he says.

Eli smiles, not taking his eyes off me.

My cheeks flush with warmth, and I lower my gaze.

Does he get off on knowing I’m not wearing any panties? Does it make him feel in control? What if he plans to make me suffer?

I chew on my lower lip, uneasily. He made me so desperate for him in the past and denied me release more than once. Will he do that again? Do I want him to?

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