Page 22 of Dare To Live

“Seriously?” Kellan stands. “You’re arguing with your own subconscious now?”

“Shhh, you need to rest.” I twist around, looking for the source of the voice, but Arabella isn’t there.

“I need everyone to just leave me the fuck alone.”

“She’s not going to do that, Eli.”

I nail Kellan with a glare. “Of course, she will. She was good at leaving me alone.”

“That’s not fair, Eli.” Ari’s voice is soft, but I still can’t see her.

“Isn’t it? You left me alone all the fucking time, always running off to spend the day with Garrett or Miles. You were only fucking happy when you were with them.”

“That’s not true. I was happy with you.”

I laugh, the sound rusty and rough. “Do you hear that?” I look at Kellan. “She was so happy with me that she never fucking smiled unless she was leaving the house to spend time with someone else.”

“I smiled at you.”

“When? When did you smile at me? You’d smile when you told me you were going to see Miles, you’d laugh when you saw Garrett. But you never smiled at me.”

“Because you were smothering me. Demanding to be with me every second of the day. I felt closed in, trapped.”

I shake my head. “See. This is why I stay out here away from people, Kell. She felt trapped. She has no fucking idea how I felt. Never asked how I was dealing with everything. Had no idea how I couldn’t breathe the entire time she was out of the house. How I waited for that call to say Evan had escaped and taken her again. None of that mattered because she felt trapped. It didn’t fucking occur to her that the only time I got to see her fucking smile was if she was with Garrett and Miles … so why the fuck wouldn’t I want to be there? I just wanted to see her happy.”

“Eli.” The three voices of her, Kellan and my dad mix together, becoming one, and solidify into Ari’s alone. “Please wake up.”

But I don’t want to wake up. Waking will bring pain. Here I can control what is happening. It’s safe here inside my head.

Anyway, Kellan is here. And I miss him. So fucking much.

***

My eyes snap open. Something woke me. A sound? Frowning, I struggle to focus on my surroundings until the ceiling above my bed comes into focus.

That’s right. I’m in the cabin, not the Hamptons.

So, what was the noise I heard?

I twist and place my feet on the floor, then scowl down at my legs.

Why the fuck am I naked?

When I stand, I stumble slightly. I feel weak, like I haven’t eaten in days. My entire body aches.

Did I get drunk last night?

Rubbing a hand down my face, I cross to the dresser and pull out a pair of sweatpants. The floor beneath my feet is cold and I can see my breath every time I breathe out. The fire in the main room must have gone out. It’s probably time for me to use the internal heating instead, especially if the storm Roger predicted hits. I drag on a t-shirt and a fleece jacket over the top, then dig through a drawer for a pair of socks. Too cold to go barefoot, at least until the underfloor heating has done its job, anyway.

Once I’m dressed, I step out into the hallway. Heating, then coffee, breakfast, and a shower. I don’t have any other plans for the day.

A clang sounds and I stop.

What the fuck was that?

I creep down the hallway and into the living room. There’s someone in my kitchen. I can see their shadow as they move across the room. Wrapping one hand around the poker beside the fireplace, I train my gaze on the kitchen door and move forward.

Has a bear managed to get in?

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