Page 180 of Dare To Live

Eli

I snort at Ivan’s words. When four pairs of eyes land on me, I shake my head. “Someone order for me. I’ll be back in a minute.” I push to my feet and walk away, ignoring Arabella’s voice as she calls my name.

I need some air and time to get myself under control. Arabella has been making plans to leave the country. If ever I needed confirmation that what we have been building over this week is meaningless, now I have it. She doesn’t think I’m important enough to know this information.

Pushing open the doors, I step out into the chill March air.

Okay, so we haven’t talked about what either of us want once this week is up, but I’d been sure she might have welcomed me if I suggested visiting her in Los Angeles.

I shove my hands into the pockets of my pants and stride along the sidewalk.

This week is nothing more than closure. I should have realized that sooner. Just another way to get the closure she demanded over Christmas. And, like an idiot, I promised her the week we should have had at school.

How many childhood sweethearts end up together, really? Brad and Lacy don’t count. I doubt either of them could have found someone else, not with the way Evan had fucked the pair of them up … mentally speaking.

That thought makes me pause mid-stride.

I don’t blame Brad or Lacy. I actually feel sad for them, pity them even. They’ve been as much a victim of Evan’s manipulations as me and Arabella have. Just in different ways.

Have they really left town, though? Kellan’s voice whispers through my mind.

I thought you’d left. What happened to your shift being over?

Arabella fucked that right up with her talk about travelling to Europe. Guess I’m stuck here for a while longer.

I huff a soft laugh. I know it’s not Kellan. It’s my subconscious forming his responses.

And what do you think that says about your mental state?

I already know I’m fucked up, Kell. You don’t need to remind me of that.

I think hiding away in the cabin has made you forget who you are. You’re the fucking Monster of Churchill Bradley. Why are you hiding out here, instead of fighting for what you want?

Because it’s not what she wants.

Are you sure?

I blow out a breath and turn back toward the restaurant. Pretend-Kellan is right about one thing. I shouldn’t be wandering around out here sulking because Arabella has been making plans for her life without me. Realistically, I should have known. We haven’t been in each other’s orbit for ten years. Why would she consider me while she decided what she was going to do with her life?

My steps back to the restaurant are slow, but eventually I’m back inside. I take my seat at the table silently.

“I ordered you the steak and portobello stuffed mushrooms,” Arabella tells me.

I nod. “Thanks.”

“Are you okay?”

“Just needed some air. I’m fine.” I lift a hand to attract the attention of a waiter. “Whiskey, double, with ice. Thanks.”

“I thought you were driving.”

“One drink won’t hurt me.” I drop a hand beneath the table and squeeze her leg, just above her knee. “I’m okay, Ari.”

Her fingers find mine. “I should have told you about Milan.”

I shake my head. “It’s not my business. It just surprised me, that’s all.”

The server arrives then with our food, and attention turns to our chosen meals, with sporadic bursts of conversation as we eat.

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