Page 122 of Dare To Live

“I go over that week in my head all the time.”

Now I’ve started talking, I can’t fucking stop. The words spill out of me, while inside I scream at myself to hold it in, not dump it all on her.

“How the fuck did Evan do it? He took Miles, then killed Kellan. How? Was he really doing it alone or was someone helping him? Is someone else still walking free? I’ve read over the court case so many fucking times. And every single time I come away with one thought. He can’t have done it alone. There’s no way he could have got both Miles and Kellan without help. There was something more to it. Someone helping him. I’m sure of it.”

“Miles doesn’t like talking about it.” Ari’s voice is soft.

“I know. And, back then, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to ask him to tell us what happened. He told the police he wasn’t sure what happened … but I wonder if that was because of survivor’s guilt.”

“You think he didn’t share information that might have been useful?” She lifts her head.

“Not on purpose. I think he was just as distraught as I was. He watched Kellan die. He wasn’t going to want to relive that, not while it was still so raw. But …” I hesitate for a moment and suck in a breath before admitting to something I haven’t voiced in over ten years. “I need to hear about Kellan’s last moments, Ari. I need to know what happened to him.”

Her fingers stroke over my lips, my jaw, and she presses a kiss to my throat. “We could ask Miles and see if he’ll talk. We’d need to be careful, though. I don’t want him to think we’re blaming him for something.”

Hearing her say we instead of you warms something inside me. I turn my head toward her and bury my face into her hair, inhaling her scent. She cuddles closer, throwing one leg over mine, and we lay in silence, wrapped in our own thoughts until sleep finally pulls us under.

When I open my eyes the next morning, she’s gone.

Chapter 67

Arabella

Wakefulness comes slowly. I’m sprawled against something warm and firm, and the heat radiating off it doesn’t make me want to move. Stretching a little, I open my eyes to find myself curled around Eli.

What time is it?

A golden shaft of morning sunlight cuts through a crack in the drawn curtains. There’s no noise beyond the dorm room door. It has to be early.

In my still-sleepy state, I half expect to see Kellan sprawled across the other bed, fast asleep, on the other side of the room. The empty mattress sends a heavy pang of sorrow through my chest.

My gaze returns to Eli, and tracks over his sleeping face, cataloging the differences to the boy he’d once been. We’d held each other all night long to keep the nightmares away. He had whispered things to me. Things I’m not sure he would have admitted in the cold light of day.

As much as I want to stay with him, I can’t. I don’t want him to get the wrong impression when he wakes up. When we fuck, it’s always been fierce. Biting, scratching, and savage. But as much as I crave his touch, I don’t want to have sex with him right now. Not after the moment we’d shared last night. This was about taking and offering comfort. I’m not going to ruin that. Because when we fuck, we fight. And I don’t want to fight with him today.

I lift his arm and slide out, trying not to disturb him. When I reach the edge of the mattress, I crawl out from under the covers, and twist around to check he’s still asleep. He hasn’t moved from his position, his body is relaxed, hair messy around his face.

For a heartbeat, I watch him breathing, then turn and tiptoe toward the door. As quietly as I can, I slip out of his room and hurry along the hallway. I don’t see a single person on my way back to my room. The second I enter, I lock it behind me. I have a few hours before breakfast. It’s enough time to have a long relaxing soak in the tub and decide what to wear for the day. Later, when Eli is ready, we can talk to Miles together.

***

Dressed comfortably in a pair of jeans and black sweater, I lock the door and pocket the key. I’ve tied my hair into a ponytail and haven’t bothered to put on much makeup. Just a little lip gloss and some mascara.

Nervousness buzzes through me at seeing Eli this morning.

A few other people are emerging from their rooms at the same time as me. Some of them ignore me, while others give me a cheerful smile. It feels so surreal to be back here. I’d been tempted to text Miles and meet them to go down to breakfast, but in the end, decided against it. I’m not a friendless kid in need of protection, anymore. I’m an adult, with years of self-defense training.

I leave the dorm and stroll across the grass toward the main building. A flow of guests is already making their way inside. I join them, following them through the doors of the cafeteria. The aroma of fried bacon and eggs makes my stomach rumble. I need coffee and food. Scanning the faces, I search for Eli, Miles, and Ivan, but there’s no sign of them yet.

I head toward the line just as someone steps in front of me.

The blue-eyed woman rakes her acid gaze over me. “Well, well, well, if isn’t Arabella Gray.”

“Hello, Lacy.”

“We honestly didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Why not?”

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