Page 111 of Dare To Live

When we reach the building everyone is flowing into, I tug up the hood of my hoodie.

Ivan ushers us inside the foyer. “Which floor?”

“We’re on the next one. Bella is above us,” Miles tells him. “The stairs are that way.”

I give him a tight smile. “I haven’t forgotten the way.”

“We’re still coming up with you.”

I don’t argue.

We make our way to the stairs and then up to the senior girls’ floor.

I’m holding the metal key in my hand so tightly that my knuckles are white. My mouth is dry, and no matter how much I swallow, it doesn’t seem to help. Step by slow step, I make my way along the hallway, Ivan and Miles on either side of me. My gaze slides over each door, and I read the numbers in my head. When I reach my dorm room, I turn slowly and stare at the smooth wood.

How many tears did I shed behind it? How much pain did I suffer in my brief time here?

“Do you want us to come in with you?” Miles’ voice is soft and hesitant.

I shake my head. “I have to face my demons eventually, right? That starts here.”

“We’re downstairs if you need us. You remember where my room is, right?”

“I remember everything.”

Arms slide around me from behind, hugging me, and Miles rests his chin on my shoulder. “As much as I keep telling myself this place is different, it doesn’t feel like it.”

I clutch the arms around my waist in reassurance. “I know.”

His embrace tightens for a second before he lets me go.

Ivan touches my shoulder gently. “We’ll be back in fifteen minutes, and then we’ll bring the bags up.”

I pat his hand. “Okay, thank you.”

I unlock the door and push it open, but I wait until the two men walk away before I move.

My stomach twists.

Move Gray. You have to go in.

I pull the key out of the lock and step inside. There’s no dead animal waiting for me on the mattress. No monster looming in the shadows.

The walls have been painted, but other than that, there’s little change to the space’s interior. Two beds are on either side of the room, neatly made. Two dressers, a table with three chairs. I always found that odd. Why three chairs? Were we only supposed to have one friend visit at a time?

I almost expect to see my photos and sketches on the wall on my side, but they aren’t there.

Exhaling slowly, I walk to the closet and open it. It’s empty, stripped bare of everything inside. Through the only other door in the room is the bathroom. All the fixtures are new in there. A different colored bathroom suite to the one that had been there when I’d been a student. I turn in a slow circle, and spy two big cardboard boxes in a corner. My name and the number of my dorm room are written on the side.

What did I leave here?

After finding Kellan dead and Eli broken, the rest of that day is a blur. I recall my mom helped me pack some clothes, but I can’t remember what else. I toy with the sleeve of my hoodie and step toward them.

I peel the clear tape off the top of the first box. Pushing the sides open, I pull out some cloth. One of the black goth tops I’d purchased when I’d decided to rebel against all the bullshit in my life. It reminds me of the time Eli took me to get my butterfly tattoo, then to the beach to smoke a joint.

Have you ever been eaten out by someone with a tongue piercing, Hellcat?

I squirm, remembering how I’d teased him. He’d taken me to a hotel and fucked me for hours.

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