Page 106 of Dare To Live

It’s my shield against the memories scratching to get out.

Memories of my excitement as I headed into the woods to meet Sin to play. My fear of Eli as he tormented me. The pain of hitting rock bottom when I wanted to die and the sheer anguish when Kellan died.

I release a shaky breath, emotions hitting me all at once, and blink as tears fill my eyes. I can’t stop them from spilling free and down my cheeks.

Miles’ arms engulf me, and he pulls me into his side. “I know, I know.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

His voice is thick. “We’ll do it together.”

I hug him. “It hurts just to be back here.”

“Same.” He admits. “I almost expect to see Kellan walking across the campus.”

My chest aches, memories race to the surface, and I’m not sure I’m ready to face them at all.

Chapter 58

Eli

The closer I get to Churchill Bradley Academy, the slower I drive, until I’m moving along at such a crawl that if I don’t put my foot down, I won’t get there before midnight.

When the gates finally come into view, I slam on my brakes and just stare at them. They’re still quite a distance away, close enough for me to see the security post but far enough for me not to be able to make out the features of the men waiting there.

I can’t do this.

I reverse down the road, then stop again.

I have to do this.

I put the car back into drive and hit the gas. The closer I get to the gates, the faster my heart beats against my ribs. My hand is shaking when I slide down the window and show the guard my invitation.

“Welcome back, Mr. Travers. Go straight through. I’m sure you remember where to park.”

“Thanks.”

I’m on autopilot as I drive through the gates. A left turn puts the dorm buildings on my right and the grass leading to the woods and the cemetery on my left. Directly ahead is the parking lot. I keep my eyes focused on the road; my knuckles white from the grip I have on the steering wheel.

I pull into a space and cut off the engine. I’m not really paying much attention to my surroundings when I climb out of the car. So, when the door hits something, the thud surprises me. I switch my gaze from my car to what I hit and everything around me fades into darkness.

The car in the parking space beside mine has been there for a while. The paint is faded, the body covered with clear signs of weather damage. Grass and weeds are growing on it. I rest a hand against the hood as memories overwhelm me.

You can drive. I’ve parked miles away.

You’re parked right next to me.

Okay, fine. I just don’t want to drive.

“Fuck.” I sway and sink to my knees. Leaning forward, I rest my head on the grill and close my eyes.

You’ve got this. Get up and go into the cafeteria. That’s where the invitation said to go when you arrive.

I suck in a breath.

“I can’t do this, Kell.” My voice is a broken whisper.

Don’t be ridiculous. Of the two of us, it’s me who can’t do it. No physical body, you see. Hard to socialize when no one can see you.

---