Page 81 of Fletch

I groan, pushing to stand and gripping the rusty railings to peer over the edge. The water swirls in dark, murky circles, hitting the barge and splashing back.

“Nothing’s that bad, Snap.”

I startle at the sound of Fletch’s voice. I glance his way, and he stuffs his hands in his pockets. He almost looks as defeated as me. “How did you find me?”

“Ruby said you like to come here when things get too much.” I slide back down onto my backside and dangle my legs over the edge as Fletch joins me. “I think it’s time we laid our cards on the table.” He pulls out the photographs I’d thrown on Axel’s desk from his pocket. “I’m sorry,” he says clearly, ripping the pictures right down the middle. He sprinkles them into the water, and I watch them get swept under the waves. “When I saw you again in The Bar, time stood still, and I was transported right back to when we were younger. I loved you, Gemma. More than you could ever know.”

I turn to stare at him, resting my cheek on the rusty rail. “I loved you too.”

“The thing is, Gem, I still love you now. I don’t think I ever really stopped.”

My heart stutters in my chest. The words mean something when they come out of his mouth because I know love doesn’t come easily to him. “I’ve fucked up,” he continues, “and I don’t even know where to start or how to make it right, but I will . . . if you’ll let me.”

“So much has happened,” I utter.

“I push people away,” he confesses. “The second they get too close, I find an excuse to push them away. I didn’t mean to hurt you again.” He sighs heavily. “That’s a lie—I knew I’d hurt you, but I didn’t stop to think it through. I just wanted you to back off the club because . . . I know you don’t understand, but they’re my family, and I’d do anything to protect them.”

“I know,” I whisper.

“It wasn’t a lie. The way I feel or anything that happened between us since you came back wasn’t a lie,” he tells me. “I said it to hurt you, to push you away, but everything we did was because I wanted it to happen. I love you, Gemma, and I can’t lie to myself anymore.”

“I thought I could make you trust me,” I admit with a small smile. “I underestimated how much the club means to you.”

“I’ve spent my life not feeling connected to anything. I was unwanted and unloved.” My heart twists, and I place my hand over his. “With you, things felt good, but even you were ashamed. That abandoned house I took you to, that was my house, Gem, and you were so disgusted, I lied because I thought you’d leave if you knew the truth. I never felt good enough, and you only instilled that by sneaking around.”

I go to reply, but he holds a hand up, so I clamp my mouth shut. “I get why you did that, but at the time, I felt rejected . . . again. So, I tried to let you down gently, but you wouldn’t give up on me. You made excuses for my shitty behaviour, and I knew the only way out was to sleep with Kate.”

“You could’ve just told me straight, Fletch.”

He nods. “I know that now, but I was still an immature kid. Did you read my file?”

I still at his words. “File?” I repeat.

“I found it at your place,” he admits. “It was my social services records.”

I sigh, realising he’s caught me out. “I just wanted to know more about you, Fletch. You don’t open up.”

“Because I don’t want you to look at me differently,” he explains, sounding frustrated. “There’s no big mystery. My mum was shit at being a mum and she gave me up. I bounced from one home to the next because no one could handle me, and then I was put up in that shithole with a man old enough to be Jesus himself. He was a drug dealer on the social services books as a temporary foster carer. Once I went there, they didn’t give a shit about me. They knew Terry would be able to keep me in line, and he did. He’s the reason I got into drugs and crime, but he’s also the reason I ended up meeting The Chaos Demons. And without them, fuck knows where I’d be now.”

He takes my hand in his and interlinks our fingers. We both stare at the connection. “We’ve made such a mess of everything,” I say.

“It’s not too late to fix it,” he says with hope in his voice.

“Isn’t it?” I ask, staring down at the water. “We’ve hurt each other so much.”

“I have no secrets, Gem. Yeah, the club does what it needs to, and it’s not always the way you’d do things, but you’ll never see that side.”

“What are you asking me?”

“To give us a chance. We haven’t really tried, but when it’s just the two of us, it feels right. Take out all the shit we’ve done and we’re good together.”

“What happens when you get arrested and thrown in prison? Because that will happen. You can’t try and own these streets and not get caught.”

“We’re doing alright so far,” he says with a smirk.

“I’m serious, Fletch. When you get caught, where will that leave me and Ruby?”

“I won’t get caught.”

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