Page 68 of Just Between Us

“It’s okay. It’s nothing you can change,” I say, trying for a smile. I take in a breath, desperate to maintain some semblance of dignity.

For the first time, I look at Cole and something inside me shatters into a thousand pieces. There’s nothing behind his green eyes and it confirms Adam’s words, confirms my fear that he never really wanted me here. And even then, despite that, I still fell for him.

“I wish…” Levi starts but trails, letting go of me and giving me a watery smile. “I want you to be happy, Kai. We both do.”

“Levi is right,” Cole says finally. His expression doesn’t change. Levi watches him carefully. “We want you to be happy and if that’s not with us then we can’t force you to stay.”

I wish you would, I think.

It’s not meant to, but it burns. I know how they both feel. I know it’s rather this than losing each other. I get it.

“Cole,” Levi says carefully.

But I don’t need Levi to ease the blow. This is what we agreed to in the beginning. Just sex until someone didn’t want it anymore.

I’ve just been painfully delusional.

“I’ll go,” I say, looking down at my hands again, fighting the heaviness in my chest.

“Let me drive you,” Levi says, but I shake my head.

It’s a quiet goodbye and when I slip into my Uber, it’s nearly midnight. During the drive, I let myself cry as I text Jenna.

Me: I ended it.

Jenna: I’m so sorry, Kai

Jenna: I’ll be here when you get home. I love you so much.

When I get home, I find both Jenna and Marie sitting on the couch. I can tell Marie is confused but she’s first off the couch to hug me as I cry. Maybe I’ll explain everything to her when the sun comes up, but for now, I let myself grieve my loss.

“You’re okay,” Marie whispers into my ear.

I let out a little laugh. I’m not okay at all.

Chapter Seventeen: Levi

Kai is gone and my chest aches, my mind whirring, refusing to let me fall asleep. Cole is asleep next to me, and I should be exhausted, but I’m weirdly keyed up. It’s only been a day since Kai broke things off, but I keep thinking of him, wondering how he is, what he’s doing and if he feels as weird about this as I do.

Seeing him last night, the way his eyes welled up with tears snapped something had been tightly winding up inside me. Over the weeks, without really realising it, or maybe without wanting to, I started to feel something that I knew I shouldn’t feel. In Tuscany, with my parents and Cole, I got the overwhelming feeling that I wanted him there with us, perfectly slotted between Cole and I.

When I first met Kai, I thought he was an itch to scratch, something I needed to get out of my system, but he embedded himself into my skin so quickly and now my body is painfully aware that he’s gone. But a shadow still lingers somewhere inside, and I wish I could bleed it out.

My phone buzzes under my pillow, cutting off my spiralling thoughts and Anant’s face appears. I pick up the call, sliding out of bed.

“Levi, would you do me a favour, please?” he begins on the other end, voice high-pitched and sweet.

I sigh, because of course, only Anant would need a favour at midnight on a Saturday. “What do you need?”

“Okay, so the hotel is launching a new promotional video tomorrow and I need everyone to love it because I was in charge of it. If it sucks, my dad will take me off the account. So, I need a good second opinion.”

“Where’s Kez?” I ask.

He lets out a groan. “Fine, I need a third opinion. She said it was good, but she’s contractually obligated to say that. You don’t have any reason to spare my feelings.”

“Fine,” I say, all the exhaustion stored in my body coming to me at once.

“Check your email,” Anant says on the other end. “And don’t watch it on your phone. You need the full picture.”

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