Page 19 of Just Between Us

“Shit,” I say. “I’m so sorry.”I’m apologising before I can stop myself, like an instinct.

Cole tilts his head, looking completely calm except for the slight red of his cheeks from the cold. “Why are you apologising?”

My brain is blank. Everything is blank. My heart is racing, and my blood is burning. Levi smiles, it’s dangerous and I feel like I’m trapped. “We kissed you.”

Why did they kiss me, I wonder.

“Because.” Levi takes another step forward and takes my face in his hand again. His lips find mine, kissing me once. “You’re beautiful, Kai.”

I realise I asked that out loud. A mixture of confusion and euphoria washes through me. It’s the only way to describe it. I want to say something, but my brain may as well be on a vacation. Nothing makes sense.

“We should head back downstairs,” Cole says. “Before we all catch a cold.”

“Right,” I say a little dumbly.

I’m going to need a minute.

Maybe ten.

Questions are still buzzing in my head when we make our way downstairs and when we step back into the room, the lights are dimmer, and the music is louder. I spot Jenna across the room, stuck in conversation with a tall dark-skinned guy who looks as fit as her. She’s laughing, and even though I’m desperate to tell her what just happened, I’m not sure I can make sense of it myself.

I know I need to speak to both Cole and Levi, but my blood is hot, and I definitely need a drink before I can do any speaking. And as if God Himself hears me, Anant appears from nowhere, Kez in his arms.

“Where have you been?” he demands, eyes on Levi. He can barely keep himself upright. “You’re like three shots behind.”

Kez pats his chest and shakes her head. “What he means is, we should be dancing and you three disappeared.”

I notice Levi and Cole’s eyes meet like they are telepathically communicating something. I wish I was in on their conversation and something about it makes my stomach churn. Like what just happened doesn’t matter. It doesn't matter. They are together and it was just a stupid kiss.

“Actually, I think we’re going to head home,” Levi says.

Anant makes a face. “You’re both so boring,” he says a little sullenly.

“We should get you home too,” Kez says, patting his shoulder.She shoots us a smile. “I’ll see you guys later.” With that, she ushers Anant away and I’m left with them again. I prepare myself to say goodbye despite the confused desire running through me.

“You coming?” Levi asks, eyes trained on me.

And again, my brain short circuits but at least this time, I don’t need words. I want them, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone before.

I shouldn’t.

But I feel myself nod. “Yeah, sure.”

Chapter Six: Cole

22 YEARS AGO

Black beady eyes stared back at me, the damp pink nose twitching with fear. Maybe the little rabbit could sense what I was even before I could.

Nick hadn’t gone anywhere without Socks since his eighth birthday but now, he was outside swimming and Socks was stuck with me. I gripped him in my hand, tight enough so he couldn’t escape, his heart racing so fast that it was making his furry little body quake violently.

I stared at myself through the mirror. It was July, the humid air stifling, and the lack of A.C. had my black hair matted onto my flushed forehead. I swallowed, watching my neck bob as I tried to calm my own racing heartbeat. But unlike Socks, I wasn’t terrified. This was the most exhilarating thing I’d done all summer.

I would be starting first grade in autumn and the idea of a new school, and new children didn’t make me feel as excited as everyone said it should. Pre-school had been a bore, and I doubted primary school would be much better. Just more snooty kids with equally snooty attitudes.

Socks continued to struggle in my grip, threatening to leap at any second. It was now or never. My eyes fell on the serrated gardener’s knife that I’d found in the old toolshed at the edge of the estate. The same toolshed I’d been locked inside for what felt like days.

With blood rushing through me, I gripped the knife just as the rabbit let out another mewl. I could see myself through his beady eyes. I should have been disgusted. I should have let him go. But I wasn’t and I didn’t.

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