Page 63 of Just Between Us

I swallow again. It’s like he’s in my mind because as much as I want to tell him to piss off, he’s right. Levi did pull me in and from the little hints I’ve picked up about his past, casual sex wasn’t a big deal to him. I know this is casual for both of them, but there have been moments where I almost believed it wasn’t just sex.

Looking at Levi under the lights in the art gallery.

Sitting in the kitchen with Cole trying to convince him that ghosts exist.

The nights spent watching Harry Potter movies and falling asleep between them.

My extra toothbrush that now sits in their bathroom.

I let myself forget what this is. I let myself get lost in them when the truth is they only belong to each other, and I would be delusional to think otherwise.

“Speaking from experience?” I ask Adam, my voice deceptively light.

A shadow passes over his eyes before his mouth breaks into a smile. “Maybe you should talk to Levi.”

But I’m sure Levi said they have never opened up their relationship. Was he lying to me? My chest tightens and I hate myself for it. Jealousy spreads through me as I look at Adam’s perfect smile and perfect hair. He would know how to behave around them and their friends. He would understand summer homes in Tuscany and ski trips.

I let out a quiet laugh, trying to mask my disappointment but Adam drowns it out with his laugh. “Wait, do you actually like them?”

Admitting that out loud would only add to my embarrassment. “Why are you telling me any of this?

He shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Because he—they don’t want you and they never will,” he says it like he’s so sure. “And I’m trying to save you from the humiliation.”

I want to think that maybe he just hates me because I clearly don’t fit in here and maybe he does but there is also this strange sincerity in his eyes, like he truly means it. I open my mouth to ask more but he gives me one last pitying look and walks away, down the hallway and back into the hall where the auction is starting.

I stand there for a second, my heart racing. I know I should go back inside but I want to run, I want to go home and crawl under my duvet. Humiliation swirls inside me, that sinking feeling in my stomach returning. It’s the same sinking feeling I used to get as a kid when I heard Kenny unlock the front door marking his return home. It’s heavy and stifling and I have to undo the top button of my shirt to breathe.

You just need to breathe like you used to do, that’s all.

I give myself a few seconds before swallowing and walking back to the ballroom, a smile on my face. When I get back to my seat everyone is deep in conversation, laughing about something I can’t grasp. The voices are too loud, the piano music too jarring and the laughter overwhelming.Across the room, I spot Adam. He’s talking to a woman and laughing easily like our conversation didn’t just happen.

Because they don’t want you and I’m trying to save you from the humiliation.

His words ring in my mind and when I look at both Cole and Levi, I feel another bout of shame. If Adam is telling the truth, then they lied to me. Not that it matters anyway. This is just sex.

Why am I so affected by it?

My stomach turns on me, saliva flooding my mouth.

“I need to go,” I say to Cole but loud enough for Levi to hear. “I don’t feel so well. I think I might be coming down with something.”

Cole searches my face carefully. “Okay, we can go. I’ll message Daniel.”

“No!” I say too quickly. “I mean no, you should stay. No need for you to come with me. I’d be no fun anyway. I think I’ll just go home and pass out.”

Both of them frown but I can’t tell what I’ve said wrong.

“We wouldn’t expect…” Levi trails, before smiling. “We’ll walk you out and Daniel can take you.”

“You don’t have to. The auction is about to start.”

“Kai,” Cole says and it’s that tone that tells me there’s no room for debate.

When we step out into the evening, expensive cars and valets line the hotel entrance. A valet waves over the next car, and I notice Avi seated in the front. I turn back to Cole and Levi and try my best for a smile. I probably look awful which probably helps to sell my story.

“Let us know when you are home, okay?” Cole says.

I nod quickly. “Sure, and please thank your parents,” I say. “I had fun.”

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