Page 126 of Just Between Us

Next to me, Zoe stiffens, and Zara covers her mouth with her hand. They had a different relationship with Kenny. He was nice enough to them, but he was also absent and mean at times. Despite that, he was still their dad.

I sit there as my mother continues to speak but I can’t hear her. My ears ring, my heart beating terrifyingly slow. It’s like the world slows around me. Mum goes over to hug the twins and places a hand on my shoulder. They loved him at some point, and they will never fully know what he did to me. I don’t want them to. I’d rather the twins remember him as their father, not the real monster he was.

I watch them, something like relief settling over me and then guilt. I’m happy, but I’m not. Emotions I don’t know swirl inside me, but I know I can’t be here. They need to mourn, and I can’t mourn with them.

I swallow. “I need to go,” I tell them.

Mum looks at me and nods. Zara smiles despite the tears in her eyes but the look on Zoe’s face—I can’t decipher it. Maybe I should feel some resentment that they have some good memories of him, but I can’t find it. It’s what I spent all those years growing up trying to do. I never wanted them to see how terrible it was.

Now, I feel the same relief I felt when he was arrested. I don’t have to protect them anymore. I can just be Kai.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Mum says. “Be safe.”

I nod and give them all kisses at the top of their heads.

Kenny is dead. He died alone in what was probably a filthy flat. I hate myself for thinking it but it’s what he deserves.

Levi is lying with his back against Cole’s chest, slotted between his legs when I walk in. Cole is reading and Levi is on his laptop. They stop when they see me. I’m weirdly keyed up, like I could run a half marathon and be completely fine.

“Kenny is dead,” I say.

Cole looks at me, his face completely neutral just as Levi untangles himself from Cole and walks over to me. A gentle hand lands on my cheek.

“How do you feel?” he asks.

“Weird. Relieved. Confused.” Every emotion under the sun is swirling through me currently. “I don’t really know honestly.”

“What do you need?”

That I know how to answer. “You.”

For the first time, I don’t feel weak for saying it. I feel tears dance in my eyes but I’m not just sad exactly–I’m relieved but I’m sad for my sisters. I’m sad for my mother and the guilt she must still feel.

Levi’s smile is sweet. “Okay,” he says. “You have us.”

I focus on Cole who comes up behind me and presses his thumbs against my hip bones, pulling me against him. I let out a quiet moan as Levi’s lips meet mine and Cole kisses my neck. I whimper again, completely melting into them. This is what I need. I just need them.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to take you both away from here and keep you all to myself,” Cole says.

“That sounds like a threat,” Levi says.

I can’t help but think I wouldn’t mind it. I wouldn’t mind being alone with them all the time, stuck in our world.

“Oh, it’s a promise,” Cole says, letting me go. “Now, what will we do with you, princess?”

I look at them hopefully. “Finish the final Harry Potter movie with me?”

Levi holds my chin. “Is that what you want to do?”

I nod. As much as I love sex, I’m just happy to be with them. To be safe. To be free.

I love them and I’m theirs, just as they are mine.

When we’re done watching the movie, we stay up late talking and at times, my mind drifts to Kenny. Since I was six, he has loomed over me like some dark cloud, constantly threatening to storm and wash me away. Now that he’s gone, I’m not sure who I am without the constant fear that he’s somewhere around the corner waiting to take everything I love away from me.

“Kai,” Cole says, pulling me back.

“Yeah?”

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