Page 123 of Love to Hate You

“You don’t really believe that?” Her voice drops. “You are nothing like your father.”

I’m frustrated by her lack of understanding. It’s obvious that she wants to sweep this incident under the rug and pretend it never happened.

Well, I can’t do that.

“I’ve always lived my life by a strict set of rules. And tonight, I blew them to hell. They didn’t even exist,” I ground out.

In the blink of an eye, my life has spun so far out of control that I barely recognize it.

“Who am I if I can’t hold myself in check?” I ask. “What makes me any different than my father?”

“That guy didn’t give you a choice in the matter,” she shoots back.

Maybe she believes that, but I don’t.

I shake my head. “There is always a choice.” Desperation eats me alive. “And to say that there isn’t, is to abstain yourself of responsibility.”

“Oh, Carter…” she whispers.

When she reaches out to touch me, I flinch from the contact. The last thing I want is Daisy’s comfort. I don’t deserve it. Her eyes fill with unshed tears as she retracts her hand, tucking it back around her knees.

“I don’t know how to make this better,” she admits, her voice thick with emotion.

For the first time since she’s taken a seat beside me, I turn my head and meet her eyes.

“There’s nothing you can do. What happened tonight,” I shake my head as disgust crashes through me. “It can’t happen again. I don’t lose control like that.” Bile rises in my throat because I know exactly what can happen when it does.

I rip my gaze from hers and stare into the darkness. This place has always been a balm for me. I’ve always been able to pull myself back together again, but it’s not happening this time.

I’m a mess.

“You are nothing like your father,” she growls.

But that’s the thing, how different can we be if I was so quick to violence? If I resorted to using my fists without giving it a second thought?

“We’re more alike than I want to believe.” That thought sickens me.

“No, you’re not!” she snarls. “You are nothing like him! Why can’t you see that?”

This conversation is going nowhere. Daisy doesn’t get it. And she never will. I’ve done everything in my power to be the exact opposite of my father and to realize with one fucking mistake that I’m not, is a real kick in the ass.

The air gets sucked from my lungs and suddenly, I can’t breathe. The one girl I want more than anything, the one who has never been far from my thoughts, is the one person I can’t have. All my emotions hurtle to the surface with her and there is no holding back. Nothing is restrained. Only now do I realize how dangerous that kind of intensity can be.

My relationship with Daisy is only just beginning and look at me.

Look at what I’m capable of.

At what I’ve become.

“I can’t do this.” The words bleed from my lips before I can staunch the flow. Even though they nearly kill me, there’s relief to be found in them. And that’s what I latch onto. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes widen, and she whispers, “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” I rasp. “I can’t do this.”

Daisy’s mouth falls open. “Carter, please. Just think about this—”

“No,” I bite out as I shake my head. “This is the way it has to be. I’m sorry.”

She sucks in a breath. For a moment, she looks like she’ll argue. My body tenses as I wait for the onslaught.

Instead, she snaps her mouth closed and jerks her head into a tight nod. “If that’s what you want.”

What I want?

No. This isn’t what I want at all, but it’s what I need. And I’m smart enough to realize the difference.

“It is.”

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