Page 130 of Love to Hate You

Chapter Forty-One

Carter

As I lay on the bench in the gym and raise the bar before lowering it to my chest again, everything Daisy said the other day circles through my head. There’s a part of me that’s relieved by her acceptance of the situation. And then there’s a part that fucking hates it and doesn’t want to let her walk away.

But what can I do?

This is the way it needs to be. And yet, I can’t get her out of my head. She’s persistent as fuck. That’s always been the problem when it comes to Daisy. At some point, I have to reconcile myself to the fact that the emotions she stirs in me aren’t going to disappear overnight, no matter how much I might wish otherwise. She’s always meant more which is precisely why I need to proceed with caution.

I can’t take one step back and expect it to be enough.

I need to take ten.

Maybe twenty.

Irritated with myself for getting sucked into another Daisy loop, I refocus my attention and slowly lift the weights above my chest. When I hit the twentieth rep, I place the bar back on the stand and use my forearm to wipe the sweat from my brow. My muscles are fatigued, which is exactly what I want. I’m here so that I’ll stop thinking about Daisy but it’s not working. No matter where I go or what I do, there she is. Maybe not physically, but mentally.

It’s frustrating as hell.

How can I move on if she won’t get the hell out of my head?

The door to the weight room opens and in walks Noah. He sees me on the bench and pauses. We give each other a silent chin lift in greeting.

I hate that shit is weird between us.

Not only have I fucked up my relationship with Daisy, I’ve fucked it up with Noah as well. Even though Daisy says we’re cool, I can’t bring myself to move back to the apartment. It’s the whole ten steps thing. I can’t take a chance on relapsing.

If I have one weakness, it’s Daisy. I may have told her we can’t be together, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want her. The truth is that I want her so badly it’s like a physical ache. One that’s eating me from the inside out. I don’t know what to do about it.

Noah pops his earbuds in and starts his rotation. I go back to what I was doing, pushing myself harder. We lift in silence for about thirty minutes before he stops and guzzles down a bottle of water.

Again, his gaze meanders to me.

This really sucks. It’s never been like this between us. Just like my relationship with Daisy, I have no idea how to fix this one either. When I think he’s going to get back to lifting, Noah pulls out his earbuds and drops down to the bench. His elbows settle on his widespread knees.

“You ever coming back to the apartment?” he asks.

Since I know he won’t like my answer, I shrug and lie. “Yeah, at some point.”

He picks up his water bottle and takes another drink. “Daze said you guys talked and everything is good.”

I wouldn’t go that far but, it’s as good as it’s going to get considering the circumstances. “Yeah, we’re fine.”

He cocks his head. “Missed you at dinner the other night. Mom wanted to know where you were.”

I wince before I can stop myself.

If Noah’s trying to make me feel guilty, he’s doing a damn fine job of it.

Marnie texted last week to let me know they were getting together for a family dinner. Being the coward that I am, I texted at the last minute with a BS excuse. Noah’s parents are aware of my relationship with Daisy. They also know that we broke up. I assume Daisy or Noah colored in all the ugly details.

How am I supposed to sit across from them with everything out in the open?

I couldn’t do it. The humiliation is too damn much to deal with.

Frankly, I’m surprised they want me around. Haven’t I already proven that I’m no better than my father?

Craig and Marnie can’t possibly want me with their niece. They’re probably thrilled we ended it.

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