Page 3 of Sweet Madness

The empty space in my heart starts to throb, and a searing pain soon follows.

Breathe, Ella…

I swallow hard, trying not to think too much about what the pain in my chest means. “Ursa Major is also known as the Great Bear. It’s the third-largest constellation in the sky and the largest constellation in the Northern Hemisphere,” I whisper.

Silence follows my astronomy fact, and I turn to look at Uncle Benji’s face. Instead of looking up at the sky, he’s staring back at me. His eyes soften when a tear falls from my eye. Reaching forward, he wipes it away, careful not to ruin my makeup. “It’s been a hard day, huh?”

I swallow hard and blink rapidly, trying to stop the tears from falling. I hate crying. It not only ruins my makeup but makes my people worry. That’s why I only do it when I’m alone and no one can see me.

But I can’t help it.

It’s been a tough couple of years, and as much as I try to pretend that everything is fine, it isn’t. I think something is wrong with me. I’m broken somehow.

That’s the only reason I feel the way I do when I have so much love and support around me.

My parents have always given me the world, but most importantly, their time and affection.

So why do I feel so empty?

“I sometimes forget how grown up you are. Some days, I still see you as the little baby who came into this world to shine her bright light on us. And then I see you now, and I wish you were still that baby.” He takes my face in his large palms and makes me look at him when I try to avert my gaze. “Don’t hide, little lady. Not from me. You’ve been hiding enough.” More tears fall, clouding my vision, but I can still see Uncle Benji’s sad brown eyes staring back at me. That’s why I detest letting them see me this way. It only hurts them. I hurt them. “Your father and I dreaded this day, you know?” He laughs, but there is no humor in his tone.

“What day?” I hiccup.

“The day a little jerk hurts your heart.” He sighs. “When you were a child, I could protect you from almost everything. I never failed.” He sounds sad, as if he feels disappointed in himself.

“You haven’t,” I say, grabbing his large hands. “I swear you’ve never failed me, Uncle Benji,” I whisper. He hasn’t. Not once. My parents, siblings, and Uncle Benji are the one constant in my life. Their love is unconditional, and my trust and faith in all of them never wavers—it never will. Of that, I’m sure.

He leans forward and kisses my forehead. “I did.”

“It’s more than just Remi and Susana. It’s?—”

Uncle Benji’s eyes leave mine as he looks up at the sky again, at the great big bear up there. Then his eyes return to mine, and he sighs as he lets go of my hand.

Before he can say anything, I stop him. He can’t know. Nobody knows. It’s a secret. One I’ve protected and hidden deep inside my heart for years. “I feel like something is missing,” I say, touching my chest, where the gold necklace my dad gave me for my twenty-second birthday rests. “Here.” I grab the diamond pendant that hangs from the gold chain and take a deep breath before I open up to my uncle. “I know there is so much to be happy about. So much to be thankful for. God, I have so much, yet in the back of my mind, it feels like it is not enough.” I breathe out. Just as quickly, I say, “I know I sound so ungrateful.”

“You sound human,” Uncle Benji whispers back. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself.” He leans back, still staring at me. “May I say something?”

“Anything. You never have to ask.”

He smiles sadly. “Perhaps you feel like something is missing because you haven’t started living for yourself.”

Living for myself…

I frown. “I don’t understand.”

“Come on now, little lady. You’re the smartest person I know.”

My shoulders sag. “They’ll be so disappointed.”

Everyone will have something to say, even more than they do now. I can already imagine the headlines: Spoiled nepo-baby leaves law school in an act of rebellion… God, if only they knew how deep their lies and gossip cut me.

“If you believe that, then you don’t know your parents at all,” Uncle Benjamin whispers.

He’s right. I know he is.

Yet I can’t help but feel like I’m failing them somehow.

“The world thinks…” I swallow hard before continuing. “They already see me as?—”

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