Page 95 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

My chest tightens when I zoom in on the photo and see the look of pure bliss on her face as she holds her baby boy.

Royal Kenton.

They announced the name a few weeks after he was born alongside a few family shots.

A baby.

My eyes start to burn, and I blink the tears away.

I’ve never been jealous of my sisters. Never. Not once.

But I feel jealous now because I’ll never experience that.

Holding a baby of my own close to my chest feeling his or her warmth while they sleep soundly to the sound of my heart beating.

I’ll never have that look on her face while she holds her precious baby. It hurts.

God, it hurts. It cuts me deep and reopens wounds I thought healed long ago but what a fool I’ve been. What if I?—

“What are you doing here all alone, love?” The deep baritone of his voice sends shivers through my system.

Turning my face, I find Vitali standing near the rose bushes to my left with a scowl on his face but his eyes are what makes the hurt in my chest grow stronger. He’s looking at me as if he sees all the pain I carry. As if he sees all the things I lost. All that will be ripped from me if I lose this war.

Feeling defeated, I ask for the one thing I’ve never asked before. The one thing in my heart I always needed.

I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. “Will— will you hold me?” I asked while holding his gaze.

His eyes turn softer than before if that’s even possible and I see a trace of sadness too. I’m doing that. I put that sadness in his eyes.

Vitali slowly makes his way over to me and stares at me as if I might break at any moment. When he reached my side, he scooped me up into his arms like I was featherlight then sat down, holding me in his lap, my legs hanging over the arm of the bench, his arm around my back. He held onto me and he didn’t let me go.

I don’t know what it is about the comforting gesture that makes my heart clench.

Right now, I’m not strong and fearless Kadra.

I’m not the boss.

No.

I’m the girl who got dealt a bad hand in life.

The girl who cried herself to sleep at night trying not to wake her sisters.

The girl who lost more than anyone should at such a tender age.

At this moment I let Vitali hold me like no one except my mother has done before and just like that everything hurts a little bit less.

“Nothing should scare you, Moya dusha.” He whispers in my ear fiercely, kissing the side of my face. I cried silently letting his sweet words wash over me and cover me in hope. “Nothing.” He holds me closer, rocking me as if I were a child. “I promise I will take care of you. Protect you. You won’t ever be alone again.” His voice was low. Quiet. But I heard the words as if he’d shouted them over the loud beating of my heart that thrashed against the walls of my chest.

I lift my head from his chest and look up at him. Heartbreak is driven into every line of his expression.

“Why?” I whispered brokenly.

He rubs his nose against the side of mine and kisses the corner of my lips.

There’s a long pause before he speaks.

“Because as long as I’m breathing I’ll always be here for you.” He answers with every breath in his body. “Because protecting you, Kadra Parisi, is what I was born to do.”

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