Page 62 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

Then his eyes flash through my mind. Tender, soft and at the same time so intense.

Suddenly I feel wet moisture on my cheek. I gently swipe under my eye and then bring my hand close to my face.

A tear.

My eyes are tearing up and it dawns on me that maybe I haven’t run out of tears just yet. I’ve teared up twice now. I can’t deny it.

Looking down at the new and improved Mr. Bug Eye I can’t help but smile through the tears. My comfort. My favorite toy. My first friend.

Happiness takes over me.

Joy.

Huh.

Haven’t felt that in a while.

All of it hits me at once.

He did this for me. There is no doubt in my mind.

The Russian took care of me all night and somehow, he found my bear and fixed it for me.

Sweet, sweet Russian. What am I going to do with you?

Still feeling tired but still much better than I did yesterday, I get up and put my robe on before walking to the mirror, taking my bear with me.

Ugh. What a mess.

I think as I take in my reflection in the mirror.

My hair has no shine in it, and my eyes look as if I’ve been crying for a week straight. I guess I have. All these emotions are draining me and giving me life at the same time. How is that possible I don’t know but that’s exactly how it feels.

It’s exhausting keeping up this facade.

I’m tired, Vitali. So tired. I whispered those words to the Russian while he held me in his hands.

“Greta, what is happening to me?” I ask my very grumpy cat as she makes her way over to the window.

Laughter sounds out of nowhere coming from outside. Frowning, I turn away from the mirror and make my way towards the window.

Then I see the sweetest scene.

Down in my garden, Vitali and Azariel are kneeling on the now dried grass up to their elbows in dirt, planting more flowers in the spots that were empty. Tilting my head, I look at how gentle Vitali treats the flowers and how patient Azariel is while taking out the weeds.

Thump.

Thump.

Then laughter again knocks the wind out of me and love squeezes me in the deepest place when I see Vitali smiling from ear to ear and Azariel grinning radiating a bright light.

At this moment I know that no matter what I do or where I go, there’s no shaking this soul-shattering connection I made with both of them. There is no killing this love. This beautiful love that managed to bring my dead heart back to life. I fucked up and while I know I will soon pay the price for my mistake I can’t find it in me to regret it. Not anymore.

Turning away from the window, I quickly grabbed my phone from the nightstand where I left it and made a quick call.

After the second ring the person at the end of the other line picks up. “Parisi. Are you feeling better?”

“D-do you think it will work?” I take a deep breath and walk towards the window again. Vitali and Azariel are now deep in conversation and I wish I was there with them. “If I do decide to go through with it. Do you think it will work?”

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