Page 58 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

She’s on the verge of giving up. She’s barely holding on. Goddamn it. Have I underestimated her pain? Her struggles? Just how much has she suffered?

That was this morning. I woke up at the crack of fucking dawn like clockwork and went for a morning run around the premises needing the fresh air after the shit I did yesterday. Yesterday, I let her see just how depraved I could be and that’s just half of the shit I would do for her.

For her there’s nothing too sick or too twisted, I would do it all if it meant nothing ever touches her. But today I failed her. Today her demons won and I knew it as soon as I saw her standing in the rain with heartbreak and pain driven into every line of her expression.

The moment I enter the mansion, I feel a tap on my shoulder that gets me out of my head. Turning around I watch as Grim signs slowly with a frown on his face. Since when do you eat cherries and sugar? You hate both. He points to the container filled with cherries and the box of donuts I bought on our way back here. After I got Kadra situated in her room and had her men call her doctor to check on her, I headed out as soon as he told me she was okay. She just needed to be monitored. That fuck Thorne, the doctor that treated me when I first arrived here, was acting shady as fuck and was vague with his answers. He isn’t telling me everything and yes, he’s her doctor and doctor-patient confidentiality is a thing but it still annoyed the hell out of me. She didn’t look good. Not at all. So, when he told me what I could do to help her feel better, I went out and picked up a few things for her.

“I don’t but they do.” I shrug then hand him a box of donuts. “You’re welcome.”

He grins the steps back giving me room to walk by but before I make a move to leave he stops me with a hand on my chest. I’ll handle it tonight. Stay with her. He signs. That’s Grim for you. The man has a soft spot for women. Especially when they’re sick or crying.

“Be careful and if you sense that something is off. You trust your gut and get the fuck out of there.” Tonight, we were supposed to grab another fucker off the street but I don’t want to leave Kadra’s side. Not when she’s this bad.

Grim nods his head once and then turns the other way and leaves. I trust Grim with my life so I trust that he can handle himself. I never need to worry about him but that doesn’t mean I don’t. His story reminds me so much of my own. Maybe that’s why I have a soft spot for the fuck.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I head in the direction of Kadra’s room with a knot in my stomach that’s been there since this morning. When I left her, her fever was down and she was resting. The doctor said she fainted because of dehydration but I call bullshit. I’ve been watching her like a hawk. I’ve been here even when she doesn’t see me and I know for a fact that she eats healthily and drinks more than eight glasses of water a day besides her teas or coffees in the morning. That’s not it.

I’ll find out, though. Something is not right. I can feel it.

Turning a corner in the hall where the master room is at, I come to a halt when I see Azariel sitting on the floor in front of her door with his head down and an ugly teddy bear in hand. Where did he get that? He didn’t have that when he came here. Did Kadra give it to him? She’s given him the world since she got him off the streets. Which I’m more than thankful for.

When I see the look on his face, alarm bells start to ring in my head.

“What’s wrong?” I drop to one knee in front of him, my eyes frantically roaming all over him checking for any signs that he’s been hurt but he doesn’t have bruises or blood anywhere.

“She’s whimpering,” he whispers, and my heart clenches while my soul comes back to my body after the scare I had thinking something was really wrong with him. Thank fuck.

I look into eyes— that are mirrors to my own and I melted a little bit more inside because this sweet boy that’s seen so much at such a young age still manages to find it in him to feel for the woman on the other side of the door. There’s no doubt Kadra has won his affection even if they don’t realize it themselves. I carefully reach forward and touch his head gently hoping he doesn’t find discomfort in my touch. I do it for just a second not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable or trigger in any way. “That woman is tough as nails. She’ll be alright.” I tell him, meaning every word. I believe she can get through anything but sometimes we all need a little help even if it kills her to accept it. When a whimper comes through the door, we both freeze and I see the moment he starts to doubt what I just told him.

Shit.

Picking up the box of sugar and glaze donuts I got for him, I placed it on his lap. “Here.” I wait for his reaction and I’m more thrilled when he doesn’t hesitate and grabs it in his small hands as if I might change my mind any minute I take the donuts back. Never. If he likes them, I’ll buy every donut shop in this city so he can eat them whenever he wants.

“Thank you,” he whispers, sounding almost shy.

“No need to thank me.” His frowns and a million questions flash through his eyes. He must be so confused but he has handled himself like a champ and pride courses through me like it never has before. I only feel it when it comes to them.

My brother, my woman and my boy.

“How about you take the donuts and go watch a movie in the theater room?” He nods then tries to stand from the floor but with all his holding it’s difficult. I help him stand while he keeps a tight hold on the donuts and the stuffed bear. “Here.” he hands me the ugly bear that’s seen better days. “I found it inside a box labeled trash in one of the empty rooms.” Taking the bear from him, I notice it’s missing an eye and half of its stuffing. The bear looks old too. “I read that stuffed bears make sick people feel better.”

At this moment I know what I’m doing means so much more than I thought. Killing the fuckers who hurt kids for their own selfish gains has always been a fucking pleasure to me but while I stand here and look into the eyes of a boy who has been hurt in ways I still don’t know but still feels kindness toward someone he cares for, I have hope for every other kid who was hurt like my boy. I know I’m doing the right thing and it’s more than just revenge.

I do it for the kids.

For my kid.

“You have a big heart, little king.”

At that Azariel frowns and speaks. “I don’t.” He says just before he turns completely and leaves me there looking after him with my heart in my throat. There are a thousand things I need to say to him but somehow every time I find the courage to do so, I hold back. The boy’s life has been turned upside down God knows how many times and I want him to trust me before I flip his world upside down again for the last goddamn time. Because for as long as I’m alive that kid won’t ever go without or won’t face hardships alone.

No.

Another whimper, this time more pitiful than the last makes me get out of my head and into her room. Barging inside, the first thing I see is a writhing Kadra bathed in sweat with her eyes shut tightly and pain written all over her face.

Moving to her side, I lift her upright placing my hand on her sweaty forehead, feeling for a fever. Shit. She’s burning up.

There’s only one way I know to bring down a fever and that’s a lukewarm bath. So, I picked her up bridal style and took her to the bathroom. Once inside, I use my weight to keep her from falling.

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