Page 138 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

“I know.” He breathes out and suddenly the heaviness in my chest is lifted.

“Who told you?”

“Does it matter?”

I sigh. “I guess not.”

“Tell me what’s wrong?” Vitali steps closer. He lifts my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “We’ll get him. I promise.”

I touch his arms. “It’s not about him.” After Mikhail helped Logan escape, I realized that my thirst for vengeance came last. All I cared about was getting everyone I cared for out alive and setting all those kids free. Which we accomplished. I’ll deal with Logan in due time.

But first this.

“I don’t love you,” I whisper and my heart shrinks when I see the hurt flash in his eyes. Rising on my heels, I grab his face and bring it closer to mine. “What I feel for you is much more than love. Love seems so small compared to what I feel for you. It’s not an obsession either. That’s too tame for this feeling in my chest that gives me life.” I whisper close to his mouth watching as the sadness fades from his eyes.

“Moya dusha I–” I cut him off with a kiss then whispered against his mouth. “I want to spend my life with you and Azariel but for me to be able to give you both the very best of me I need to heal first. Not just my body but my heart and soul as well and yes I know you would take me as I am and trust me, baby, I love you all the more for it but I need to do this. You deserve better. Azariel does too.” I choke on a sob, the pain of leaving them hitting me all at once, hurting more than a knife to the heart. “I deserve better.”

He was going to fight me on this I knew. I feel it but he would never deny me anything.

He’s angry. Heartbroken.

But like I knew he would, he gives me what I want– what I need. Because that is who he is to his core. Good. So fucking good and selfless when it comes to those he loves and treasures. I’m so lucky that I got to love him in this life. He nods, his lips moving against mine soft like velvet. “I’ll always fight for you. Always.” Those words just about killed me. I am so crazy about this man here he is, pledging to always fight for me yet again after walking through fire today for me. For his son. For us.

Conscious of his busted lip, I kiss him softly once again trying to save the taste of his lips for the long road that’s ahead of me.

Tearing up, I whisper, my voice breaking. “Don’t give up on me.”

Vitali stops kissing me and wraps his strong arms around me. I hugged him back, my heart in my throat, our future uncertain. All I knew was that he is my reason.

After what happened here tonight, I realized that I was never reborn, not really. I thought I had risen from the ashes of the girl I was once like the phoenix but in reality, the darkness dragged me under all these years. Until Vitali showed me all that life had to offer me and now I want it. I want it all with him. I dream of it. Of a beautiful life with him and Azariel.

Growing old together in the garden surrounded by roses and tulips.

“I’m going to be selfish for once in my goddamn life and ask you not to give up on me. Don’t stop loving me.” I whisper. “Give me this and I’ll give you forever in return.” I raise my hands and touch his cheeks that still have blood on them and smoke. “You’re the reason I’m breathing, Vitali Solonik.” I kissed his jaw, his bloody lip and razor-sharp, bruised cheekbone and turned to leave. He holds my hand stopping me from moving and I just about feel like my world is falling around me. My heart is screaming for me to just stay but my brain knows the truth my heart won’t accept. For me to have forever with this man I need to be reborn. I need to shed my skin and start a new one. Only then will I be able to be everything they both deserve.

What I deserve.

I look at him one last time and take in the beauty that is the man I love. All the dreams I never dared dream all in one perfect and strong man. I’ve memorized every tattoo on his skin and all his scars as well. The look in his eyes while he’s making love to me. His breathtakingly beautiful smile and the sound of his laugh. Even now while he stands with blood soaking his clothes and his face bruised I still think he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever met.

My dragon in the flesh.

“I love you, Vitali. Till my last day on this earth.” Tears fall from my eyes, I swallow down the pain and keep walking in the opposite direction and I hope to God I’m making the right decision.

As I got on my bike and roared the engine to life, nobody heard the sound of my heart-shattering.

Nobody but me.

* * *

“Is it time?” My father hissed as he lay back against the wall, his tired eyes on me. I dreamt day and night for many years and the day has finally come.

I take out photos from inside an envelope and let them all fall on the floor next to him. Everything I did to his empire, from his hotels to his connections with the trafficking ring is documented in those photos for him to see.

Then there are photos of my sisters and their husbands. Non-Italian husbands.

Arianna’s children.

Then there are mine.

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