Page 111 of Kadra: The Unfeeling

“We’re everything, Vitali Solonik.”

And we are.

Every beautiful thing.

We’re life.

Chapter 33

KADRA

HEARTBREAKING TRUTHS

“I was born with a

broken heart.” — K

An hour and a half later after the most beautiful and heartwarming surprise, and after there were no more fireworks, except the ones that go off in my stomach every time he looks at me, Vitali and I found ourselves alone in the gazebo while Azariel, Crow, and Vernon went inside the mansion.

My heart beats harder when I think of the sweet gestures all of them made happen for me. I know it had to be Vitali’s idea since he’s the only person in this world who knows about the dream I never really hoped for.

When I think I couldn’t be more obsessed with the man here he goes and does something so sweet. So special. Damn you Russian… and what’s worse is this feeling in my chest has turned me into someone I don’t recognize but I’m not mad at. I’ve always been confident around others. Never felt shy or embarrassed but with Vitali lately, I feel butterflies in my stomach, my cheeks redden betraying me and I also find it difficult to form coherent thoughts.

You’re in love…

The little devil on my shoulder whispers taunting me.

I am.

I am so in love there’s no point in hiding it. I’m drawn to him like I’m drawn to water or air. He has become the main reason for me waking up in the mornings and going to sleep with a smile on my face at night. Azariel too.

And when the pain in my body and in my heart becomes too great to bear, I think of them and I find the strength to carry on.

He’s also the reason I did the one thing I swore I would never do. I fell on my knees and prayed. I prayed for a future with them. I don’t believe my prayers will work but I asked anyway. It can’t hurt, right?

The feeling of his cold gloves on my hand brings me back to the moment. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t give to be there.”

Frowning, I held his hand tighter, rubbing my thumb over the leather. “Where?”

He raises his other hand and touches the center of my forehead gently. “Here.” He then leans closer and kisses the spot he was just touching and remains there for a second, breathing me in. I do the same. I breathe in his scent. Cigarettes, mint, and sandalwood. His scent is as intoxicating as his touch. After a while Vitali pulls back and looks down at me. “I wish I could be there inside your pretty head so I could learn all the secrets your mouth won’t tell me. So, I can chase all your demons away.”

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

“You don’t want to do that,” I whisper, my eyes locked on his. Feeling a rush of melancholy, I close my eyes and trace Vitali’s face to save it as one of my favorite memories. I do that a lot. When you’ve been told you have a sickness that has taken so many lives, you either distance yourself from your loved ones so if the time comes that you have to say goodbye it doesn’t hurt as much or you save their faces and the memories you shared close to your heart. I thought distancing myself from the people would make it hurt less. How wrong I was. If I were to lose Vitali tomorrow, life would never be the same. It wouldn’t be as sweet. The thought of losing him or him losing me makes my stomach clench and vile start to rise.

I wasted so much time but I’ll fight for him. For Azariel. For my lost boys as well. I’ll fight for myself. Because even though I never dreamt like my sisters did, the dreams still found me.

One of them is sitting next to me.

“Tell me every ugly thing that’s ever happened to you, baby, and let me love you.” Love. He said love. Sucking a breath, I open my eyes meeting his gray ones. Eyes that are pleading with me to let him see every ugly part of me.

Tell me every ugly thing that’s ever happened to you, baby, and let me love you.

I got so used to being the strong one that I forgot how freeing it feels to let go. To break apart at least once. My sisters loved me, I know this but I also know they got so used to me being the one who fought back, the one who closed herself off to the world so it wouldn’t hurt her that they ended up leaving me alone with my pain. I don’t blame them. They had their own burdens and pain.

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