Page 69 of Bastian

He didn’t keep me a secret from Ellaiza. He didn’t allow the years to erase me from her mind. Instead, he kept me alive.

I don’t realize a tear has fallen until a small finger wipes it away. Feeling embarrassed as hell, I keep my head bowed. I squeeze my eyes shut, releasing two hot tears that burn like lava. Gentle and soft hands grab both of my cheeks. Ellaiza brings my face closer to hers and smiles. So pure. So oblivious to the turmoil inside my head.

The war between my heart and brain.

As if realizing that I’m sad, she rubs her small nose against mine, and it only makes me cry more because somehow, she remembers.

Our Eskimo kisses.

How she remembers, I have no clue. But my heart feels full witnessing how sweet my girl is. The total opposite of her father and me.

“I love you, Ella.” Laughing softly, I whisper for her ears only.

Ella whispers-yells back. “I love you a million stars, mommy.”

Laughing with my entire heart, I respond. “I love you to the moon and back. A million times.”

“Wow!” She gaps. “I think that’s how much daddy loves you too, mom. You’re soooo alike.” Ella’s blue-gray eyes, much like her father’s, twinkle with mischief and secrecy.

It hurts.

God, this hurts because how I wish it were true.

The hurt girl in me wishes this man loved me for real.

She wishes this would be her reality, but the hurt in me reminds me it is not real. It can’t be because I am not ready to admit what this would all mean.

After that beautiful moment with my girl, she goes back to her seat after making me pinky promise that I’ll stay the night. I tried to refuse while her sneaky father did nothing to help me get out of it. Not that I thought he would.

It’s clear that they’re on the same team, and I am left to battle this tyrant on my own.

But who could say no to that precious face Ella makes when she wants something? My heart warmed when she gave me the same puppy dog eyes she would give me when she was younger whenever she wanted more candy or to stay up late with me.

A lot of things have changed, yes, but others are just the same. It’s bittersweet.

After dinner, Ella dragged me off to her room while Shaw followed like a trained dog. He stayed outside the door while Ella and I went inside her room, where she’s been showing me all her toys and giving me a tour for the past thirty minutes.

Her room was an exact replica of the one back in Sebastian’s home in Chicago.

Stars and moons decorate every inch of it.

White and pink is the color palette.

Classic, chic, and very stylish.

That’s my girl.

It makes me emotional once again, knowing how time had passed but she was still the little girl I loved more than anything and anyone, just a little bit older.

Her heart, her mind, and her essence are still the same.

“Do you like it?” I look down at Ella, who is grinning up at me with her finger pointing at the ceiling, and I’m taken back in time to the day I first met her and asked her name, and she pointed at the ceiling. Following her finger, I look up, and what I find there has me tearing up. Christ, crying not only makes me look ugly but also ruins the makeup, yet I do. With teary eyes, I look at the ceiling with a big bright moon ceiling lamp with an integrated digital image of Ellaiza and me in Paris with our heads thrown back, completely oblivious to the person taking the picture.

“Beautiful…” I whisper, feeling inadequate because I can’t find the right words to describe what this all means to me. It’s like a day, not several days to heal most of the damage the last three years did to my heart and soul.

That’s the power of love, I guess.

Tedious as hell and very painful but oh so beautiful.

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