Page 31 of Bastian

He raises his hand toward me, “Just listen, Arianna.”

I swallow hard, leaning back in my chair. Nothing my friend can say will change my mind. Nothing.

But then he opens his big mouth. “He suffered. Every day since he has mourned your loss. The fucking idiot paid for his misguided but selfless mistake.”

Thud.

Crack.

How my heart beats after so many attacks is still a mystery to me, but it does.

He mourned your loss.

Good.

The motherfucker not only broke my heart, but he took my girl.

One I can, maybe, possibly try and move on from but the two together? No. Hell no.

“And you should know that he told Ella—” Nope. No. Just the mention of her name is just too much for me to bear.

“Enough.” I snap, rising from my seat. Angry, broken, fuck, so broken. “She was my reason, Benjamin! My fucking reason for breathing alongside her fucking father, and he didn’t care.” I seeth. “No! He didn’t care that he killed me that day and buried my heart in front of the goddamn country. Not only did he play me, but he humiliated me!” I try my best to remain calm but it all hits me at once. Breathing harshly, I stare into the eyes of the man who has helped keep my head above water. “He ruined me,” I whisper deadly. “He made a fool out of me without a single care about the damage that he would cause. He gave me the world, yes but Christ, Benjamin, I gave him everything I was, and he threw it all away. He threw me away as if I never mattered. Because that’s the truth, isn’t it? I never mattered.” I say through gritted teeth holding back the angry tears that threaten to spill.

Silence falls between us, almost defining, and all I can hear is my heavy breathing.

Benjamin’s kind eyes pierce me, making me feel like that lost eighteen-year-old he took into his care. “You’re holding on to this hate to numb the pain, but it will end badly, kid.” Benjamin looks at me with hurt in his eyes, but there’s something else there. Something that kills me. Pity.

“It already ended badly, Benjamin. He broke something in me. Something my father couldn’t even reach.” I round my desk and stand before him. He stands from his chair too. “Why wait till now to tell me this?”

“Would you have listened before?” He asks.

No.

I certainly wouldn’t have.

I was so deep in my feelings that I would have either run back to the man and made a fool out of myself, or I would have spiraled.

I can’t do this.

Not with Benjamin.

“I care for you deeply.” I love you so much is on the tip of my tongue. I don’t say it, but he knows it. God, does he? “But there’s no changing my mind, and I would hate for us to argue every time we meet.”

Stepping closer, the Viking of a man kisses my forehead and lingers there for a second too long. “I just want your smile back. That’s all I want for you.” Stepping back, he lifts my chin so he can look at my face. “I miss it.”

Christ.

When did I get so lost in my pain that I didn’t realize that Benjamin was hurting too?

Selfish…

Always so selfish…

“Will I ever smile or laugh again?” Staring into his eyes, I ask what I’ve been wondering for three long years.

“You will.” He says confidently, but I’m not so sure.

“When?”

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