Page 125 of Bastian

I don’t know what I would’ve done if Sebastian had taken longer to come out of the comatose state.

The loss of him was weighing us all down.

“Daddy’s birthday is coming up!” Ella exclaims while adding three strawberries to the plate of fruit she prepared all by herself.

“It is.” Not so soon, though. Sebastian’s birthday is in February. I grab another tray and place a coffee and a glass of orange juice onto it. “What do you think we should get him?” With all that has been going on it slipped my mind. The last birthday I was truly happy, hell, the only birthday I had an ounce of happiness I spent it with him, Ellaiza, and Benjamin, and he made it so special.

Before, he used to make every day special for me.

Now, I get to return the favor.

Ellaiza and I move through the house with two trays of food and a small dog trailing behind. “I don’t know! Dad has everything.” She huffs and throws her hands in the air in exasperation.

“He does have a lot, yes. But you know what he doesn’t have enough of?”

“What?” She looks excited now.

“Your pretty pictures,” I tell her while I hold the tray with one hand, and with the other arm, which is no longer in a pink cast, I support Ella’s back as we climb the stairs. “You know how much he loves those.” I wink when she beams.

“Yeah, my drawings are the best.” Not so humble, my sweet girl. “Hey, how’s baby sister today, mommy?”

Baby sister.

Looking down at my growing belly, I smile. “Baby is very active today.” I still don’t know what the sex of the baby is. I’m scheduled for a checkup next week, and there I’ll be able to find out the sex if I want to.

I’m in the second trimester, and although my belly is not huge, there’s a bump that’s growing every day.

Growing my unborn baby.

Throughout this pregnancy, I’ve been going through it. At first, I was terrified of something happening to my baby since I was not in a good headspace with all that was going on with Sebastian, but as the weeks passed, I learned to take care of myself and be strong for not only Ella and Sebastian but for my baby as well.

Baby Kenton is now the size of a banana, according to the first-time mom’s book I’ve been reading every night. The same book tells me that my baby’s fingers and toes are well-defined. Their eyelids, eyebrows, eyelashes, nails, and hair are formed, and teeth and bones are becoming denser. It says that the baby can even suck their thumb, yawn, stretch, and make faces.

I must admit that although this hasn’t been the most blissful experience and it certainly has had its challenges, I am looking forward to seeing my baby and listening to its heartbeat.

I still can’t believe there’s a human inside of me.

My little human came into our lives to fill us with joy and more love. Because although a lot has happened, I am forever grateful for this little miracle inside of me.

Ella and I carry on talking about the baby because, lately, that’s her favorite topic, and it also has helped distract us from what was happening.

“It smells delicious.” Benjamin sniffs the air the second while we climb the last step. “Is there some for me, ladies?” Benjamin makes a move to grab a pancake, but I slap his hand away. “There’s more downstairs. Help yourself, Benjamin.” Smiling, he opens the double doors and allows us inside the room he’s been guarding all morning.

“Bonjour, papa,” Ella yells happily as soon as she enters her father’s room with an infectious smile. Following her inside, I stop when I was standing on the threshold and stare. I stand there, and just take a second to take everything in. Before, I used to live a very fast-paced life because nothing had meaning, not really, and I missed a lot of moments that could have filled my heart with joy, but now I don’t take the little moments for granted.

I don’t take love for granted.

Because of this love I feel for both of them. Hell, even for Benjamin. The love I feel for all of them comes once in a lifetime, and I almost lost that love. Now, I protect it with all I have.

“Bonjour, mon coeur.” He says to Ellaiza.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and let the comforting sound of his voice wash over me. Soothing me. Assuring me that all is okay in the world.

---