Page 117 of Bastian

His sad and angry eyes fall back on me. “The Doc said we need to prepare for the worst.”

A sob of agony escapes me. “I want to see him. Take me to him.” I let go of Benjamin’s hand, and try to get up from the hospital bed, hissing in pain when I put too much pressure on my bandaged arm that’s up in a sling. Yet, nothing hurts like the realization that Sebastian might leave me. This time for good. “Please,” I croak, my voice cracking. “He is all alone.” It hurts, fuck it cripples me. He needs to know that I am here, and that he’ll never be without me. Not as long as I am breathing. This love? The love I feel for him? Refuses to die, and nothing could finish the job. Not misunderstandings. Not the threats of war. Not the years or the pain. The lonely nights and all the times my heart bled for him. Nothing and while he was lying down on the ground looking up at me with only love in his eyes and touching his heart to let me know that he loved me… I knew I could never kill this love.

Nothing could.

“He is safe. Trust me. No one will get to him.” Benjamin stops me from getting up fully. “But you need to rest, my girl.”

“What I need is to see him. I need to tell him that I—” My voice cracks some more. “He needs to know…” I take a deep breath. He needs to know that I love him. That I am sorry. That I need him to stay and Ellaiza needs her father. I need to make sure the tyrant bastard understands that there is no chance in hell that he’ll leave me a second time. “I didn’t say it back…” I rasp, while my fight gives out.

“He knows. Trust me, Arianna. That man knows. I don’t think a sane man would do the shit he does and follow you across the world if he didn’t know he was loved in return.” Benjamin nods in understanding but still doesn’t let up.

Looking up, I see the pain in my friend’s eyes. The pain and the… fear.

“I’m scared.” I allow myself to admit it aloud, not caring if it makes me seem weak.

The truth is that when it comes to Sebastian Kenton… I am weak.

“He needs you to be strong, alright?” Benjamin says while grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently. “But please, my girl, stay down and rest. Apart from the broken arm and hit to the head, you were severely dehydrated, and the nurses had to run some tests. The doctor will be back, and once you’re cleared to go, I promise I’ll take you to see him myself.”

Sighing in defeat I lie back, annoyed that he won’t let me get up from this god-awful depressing bed. I look away from him at the giant window where rain is falling rapidly. Christ, even the weather is in tune with my mood. “I can’t…” I whisper. “I can’t be strong when I know it was my fault.” I sob quietly, trying to hold back, but it is a losing battle. I hate showing emotions because I was taught more than once that crying was a show of weakness, and it did nothing to me. However, at this instant, I need to let it out. I need to cry for the man I love more than anything and for the little girl who is at home waiting for her father, unbeknown that he is fighting for his life.

I am not a religious person, but ever since meeting Sebastian, I have found myself praying more than I care to admit. I send a silent prayer to whoever the hell is willing to hear me up there to keep Sebastian safe. To give him the strength he needs to beat this.

Please, God…

“It was not your fault.” Benjamin says gruffly while squeezing my hand in reassurance.

“Do not try to make me feel better, Benjamin. If I hadn’t broken the barricade of protection for a damn bracelet, this wouldn’t have happened. The bastard was waiting for the opportunity, and I gave it to him when Sebastian put himself in the line of fire to protect me. I did that. I might as well have pulled the trigger myself.”

Gentle, strong fingers take a hold of my chin, tipping it up. “The only one to blame is the motherfucker who did this, Arianna, but if you’re looking to blame someone then blame me because I wasn’t there for him. For you. I didn’t protect either of you, and that’s on me.”

Benjamin, like me, would rather have all his teeth pulled out than admit defeat or admit that he made a mistake, and the fact that he is doing it now, lets me know he’s beating himself up hard for this. That I just can’t allow.

Not my Benjamin.

He is the most selfless man I know.

“Stop.” I breathe out, staring into his eyes. I have never seen the Viking of a man look this way before. He is furious, yes, but there is sadness mixed with guilt there, too. Helplessness. “You were where you were supposed to be. You were protecting the most important person in mine and Sebastian’s world, Ella.” I make sure that he reads the truth of my words in my eyes.

Sebastian told me once that my eyes were the windows to my soul, and they never lied to him.

I hope Benjamin can see the sincerity in them now.

My friend nods, but I can see clearly that he is not convinced.

He then lets go of my face and takes a step back.

I meant what I said. He is not to blame. He did his duty. He kept my Ella safe back at the White House. Then I think of how she could’ve been there to witness her father lying on the dirty ground, choking on his blood. Shivers run through my body. Opening my mouth to reiterate that even if he were there, the outcome most likely would have been the same since it was me who messed up and put him in a situation where he had to cover me with his body from the bullets, a soft-spoken voice interrupts us. “Good. You’re up.” A pretty redhead with brown eyes and a sweet smile enters the room, approaching me in a white coat. “I am Dr. Sexton, and I’ve been treating you, Arianna. How are you feeling?”

“Fine. There is no need to keep me here.” I tell her a bit rudely. “If you can clear me to go…” I muster a smile when I notice she is taken aback by my rude tone. Dr. Sexton sidesteps Benjamin, who doesn’t, for a moment, leave my side in full bodyguard mode, and checks me out with a stethoscope first.

“Take deep breaths for me, please.”

I do.

Then she moves to my chart on the end of the bed and looks it over. “When you arrived, we treated your head wound, and thankfully, it was superficial. As for dehydration, salts, and fluids were delivered through the vein and absorbed quickly. Your levels are up, and you’ll be back on your feet in a couple of hours, so please rest.” The doctor smiles kindly at me.

“See? All good, take me to him now. I promise I’ll be back in this bed as soon as I see for myself that he is okay.” I try again with Benjamin, and he looks away from me to the doctor. Benjamin always did have a hard time telling me no.

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