“Jenna, can you please just let me talk? I feel like I can’t get a word in,” he said.
“You don’t deserve a word! You’ve had enough words,” I shouted and stalked out.
“Jenna, I’m sorry,” he called after me.
What was supposed to be a peaceful walk was ruined. Admittedly, I shouldn’t have risked walking near the bakery. That was a mistake in a long line of mistakes. I took a deep breath of the warm night air, but it didn’t do much to calm me. It felt like I would never find peace again living in this damn town with that damn man.
“Ugh!” I shouted at the sky. I was tempted to end my lease and pack up my cats and leave town. There had to be other nice beach towns, right? I could start over, be a new person. Maybe I could use my savings to travel, like Joel suggested, although that would really seal the deal on the bakery dream. Perhaps it was a small, stupid dream after all. But even as the thought occurred, it didn’t feel right. My dream may have been peanuts to people like Jared and Joel, but they didn’t have the final say in what would make me happy. They didn’t have any say at all, as a matter of fact. Did they know anything about happiness? Jared may have been quick to smile, but was he happy? Maybe he was only happy because he commandeered my dream. That must be how they got their kicks.
I got to the end of the boardwalk. I could turn toward home or toward the beach. I decided I needed the sand in my toes. I pulled off my sneakers and stepped onto the sand that still held some of the warmth from the sun that had long since sunk beneath the horizon. I walked to the water’s edge, letting the thunderous sound of crashing waves vibrate through my body, cleansing me of my angst, at least temporarily.
Standing there, at the edge of the world, the moon a fluid silver streak across the waves, I knew I wouldn’t leave my town. I wouldn’t adopt Joel’s vision of a life well-lived. I just had to find a new way to realize my own. I didn’t know what that was yet, but I would find it.
With my new affirmation in my head, I left the beach. For the first time, I thought that maybe Jared showing up here might have been a good thing if it meant that I would finally be moving on with my life. I couldn’t possibly go back to the Lobster Tail after all this. There had to be other choices. Something in between. I could work for Jared. The idea shocked me when it filtered through my mind. No, I could never work for Jared. I was too angry with him. He had lied and cheated.
But as I walked home the tightness in my chest eased just a little, PotatoBake888''s words came back to me. Maybe he was just being nice. Why would he want you to win otherwise? Why did Jared rig it for me to win? My doubtful, suspicious brain thought it was because he thought I couldn’t do it on my own, but even if that was the case, why not just mop the floor with me and be done with it? Nothing made sense.
Chapter Forty-Two
PotatoBake888: Okay … I know the movie pick for the night.
TheBakingChick: You know, eventually, I will be out of my depressive funk and want a turn picking the movies.
PotatoBake888: Right … I’ll believe it when I see it. Tonight, we watch You’ve Got Mail
TheBakingChick: No romcoms, remember?
PotatoBake888: But we have to watch You’ve Got Mail.
TheBakingChick: Why on earth would we have to watch that?
PotatoBake888: Because it is about two people who meet online and then meet in person.
My heart stopped. Last night, I was too tired to watch a movie when I got home. I had messaged PotatoBake888 and told him I would talk to him tomorrow. Then I spent the day brainstorming how the hell to move forward. But my thoughts kept swinging back to Jared. I may have been prepared to revise my dream, but there wasn’t anything to do about Jared. Despite my best efforts to build a wall around my emotions—especially when it came to vacationers—he had weaseled his way in. Now here I was, devastated. PotatoBake888 was a nice distraction, but now I stared at the screen, panicking. What did I say to that? Was he saying he wanted to meet? Did I want to meet him? I had to ask what he meant, right? What if that wasn’t what he meant? I would look stupid asking. I shook my head. Why was I like this? Damn it. I was sick of being me!
TheBakingChick: Are you implying something?
I typed out and sent before I could second-guess it. It was time to stop being me. Just a little bit.
PotatoBake888: Maybe…
Jesus, those ellipses were going to kill me. I waited for him to finish his thought.
PotatoBake888: Alright, fine. I would like to meet you.
I blinked, my heart thudding uselessly in my chest. It had just been broken and now some random guy, well, not random at all. PotatoBake888 was kind of my best friend. A week ago, I would have died on the spot that he had suggested we met. Now, I hesitated? Because of Jared?
“Stop being stupid,” I said out loud to no one, which brought Mouse onto the desk with a little prrrpt. “Not you, Mouse. I should say yes, right?” I asked the cat who tried to roll on my keyboard before I moved him out of the way. “Okay, I’ll say yes. We can meet somewhere public. Then he can’t murder me.”
TheBakingChick: Okay. Let’s meet.
PotatoBake888: Took you long enough to respond. Almost gave me a heart attack.
TheBakingChick: Just wanted to make you sweat.
Even as I typed out the words, my own palms were sweaty with anxiety. This one week of my life was likely shaving off years of my life with all the stress.
PotatoBake888: You’re in Cape Shore?