Page 49 of Sweet Rivals

“Well, where the hell have you been hiding,” Cat asked as she handed me an iced mocha latte that she snuck into The Lark.

There were few places in town where I felt safe that I wouldn’t risk a run-in with Jared. I felt like he somehow knew where I was and what I was doing all the time, lying in wait to ambush me when I least expected it. So I opted to meet Cat at The Lark. It was our secret meeting place where we sat amongst the crystals, essential oils, candles, and new age books on cushions on the floor to chat about our problems.

“I plan on hiding for the next week, I think,” I said.

“How’s the sabotage plan?”

“Awful,” I said before catching her up on everything that had been going on—well, just about everything.

“It sounds like things are actually going pretty well,” she said.

I guess without the context of the walk-in incident, it didn’t sound too bad. I had successfully infiltrated the bakery. I had my menu done. And Jared seemed to be prepared to keep his promise if I won (or lost). “I guess,” I had to admit because there was no way I planned on divulging what happened between Jared and me. I would take that one to my grave.

I knew exactly what Cat would say. Some variation of I told you so. Then she would encourage me to pursue it, bakery be damned. We just had different priorities at the moment. She had found her happily ever after. She wanted that for me too. But she couldn’t understand there was no happily ever after without my bakery. Without it, I was only a half-formed person relying on a man to “complete me” (no thanks).

“So what’s next?” Cat asked.

“Wait for the opening, I guess.”

And that’s exactly what I did.

I waited. It was the first time I had ever had nothing to do. From the time I could walk, I had responsibilities in the kitchen. I had school, work, and family that kept my mind constantly occupied, so I never had to negotiate with the empty moments alone when thoughts crept in. Now, I lacked that skillset altogether. My hobbies consisted of staying up too late to watch movies PotatoBake888 suggested or baking or drinking coffee and walking. I guess I could add swimming in the ocean if I was being generous with the term hobby, which clearly, I was. But those things weren’t enough to fill a whole day let alone a full week.

I was tempted to take up my position at the Lobster Tail in the interim but didn’t want to deal with any questions that would come my way as a result. I hadn’t seen my parents in days. It may have been the longest stretch in my life. Admittedly, I liked it. If this was a preview of life with my own bakery then that alone made it worth it. I loved my parents. I appreciated the experiences I had at the Lobster Tail, but I was ready to be my own person. Although here I was, with the prospect of a week alone to do just that, and my first thought was to run back to the Lobster Tail. Pathetic, really.

What did normal people do? I wondered. Normal people filled their lives with friends and hobbies. I had always been too busy for that.

When I heard a ding, I thought for a brief moment it might be PotatoBake888 but realized it came from my phone.

“I have to write PotatoBake888,” I told myself as I pulled out my phone. It was a message from Jared. I didn’t even know he had my number.

Jared: We should set up in town to preview the bakery before the opening.

I had been dreading my first communication with him, and somehow this was even worse than I had imagined. Anything would have been better than the short, clipped, business-related text I received. Anything that gave some clue as to his feelings about the walk-in. Leave it to him to be clipped and to the point for the first time since I met him. I would have loved one of his stupid jokes that would have lightened the mood.

Maybe he was just as upset as I was? Embarrassed? Regretful? That last one would sting the most. It shouldn’t. I knew that. But it would tear away at my fragile self-esteem that I have been trying to build up. This was exactly why I had to avoid romantic pursuits, especially sexual trysts in walk-in refrigerators with men I wanted to go into business with—or run out of business—whatever the case may be. With one stupid decision everything became so muddled. Even my mission to bring him down didn’t feel quite so intense.

Still, I had to keep moving forward. I had no interest in setting up a temporary spot in the square. I had no interest in seeing him at all. But it would seem my life had become an endless series of things I didn’t want to do.

Jenna: I’ll be there.

After several more brief texts back and forth, we managed to plan the day and time of our little preview. I would have to talk to my mom about setting up in front of The Lobster Tail, but given her excitement about Jared, I didn’t think it would be a problem. The real problem would be sharing a space with Jared and not begging to continue where we had left off.

Chapter Thirty-Five

The morning we planned to set up in front of the Lobster Tail for a preview ahead of our grand opening, I stood on the dark planks of the boardwalk in front of the bakery. I could see the warm glow emanating through the front-end, coming from the kitchen. Jared was inside prepping. Somehow, as I stood debating giving up entirely, I both desperately wanted to be around him while also never wanting to see him at the same time. It didn’t make any sense. It left me angry with myself as a walking contradiction. I couldn’t put stupid feelings or romantic drama ahead of my goal.

I had spent my life coming up with excuses to put off action. Avoiding risk. I always told myself that my parents needed me too much. Or I was too busy. Or I didn’t have enough money (which was true, but I could have taken out a loan). All of it felt like trivial bullshit now. A defense built up by my low self-esteem to protect myself from real feelings. One day, I hoped this nonsense with Jared would feel the same way. So long as I could keep my hands off him long enough to bake.

The kitchen was quiet, somber, as I walked in without music or sunlight to create the ambiance that it had the last time Jared and I had been there together. Jared wore a serious expression of furrowed brows as he moved quickly through the kitchen. A nod in my direction was his only greeting.

I swallowed down my anxiety. More work had been done since I had been there last. The new equipment gleamed in the newly installed overhead lights. I had seen the budget, so I knew just how expensive all of it had been, and it certainly looked the part of high-end, state-of-the-art kitchen. That quiet little voice that told me I wasn’t good enough got just a little bit louder. Hopefully, I didn’t make a fool of myself when I tried to figure out how to operate it all—there was that negative voice chiming in again. How did people silence that? Did some people just not have it at all?

Once again, I wished for the old Jared back. The carefree one that was quick to crack a joke. Maybe he had been right when he said we complimented each other. Both of us couldn’t take ourselves too seriously and darken the whole mood. And I certainly wasn’t up for cracking a joke, so it had to be him. But how did we go backward? All I had wanted all along was to wipe that grin off his face, but now all I wanted was for it to come back.

I unpacked my groceries. I didn’t dare put the cold stuff in the walk-in. I would have to use it before it spoiled in the heat of the kitchen. With the new equipment, we weren’t forced together in front of a tiny cooktop. We had a giant kitchen with several stoves and ovens and counters all around the room. I could find my own little corner and hardly even cross his path.

I settled into a spot and got to work, trying my best to put Jared’s presence out of my mind. It wasn’t easy, but eventually, as the reality of the preview approaching in a few hours and the gravity of the situation came into view, I found my own rhythm.

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