Page 44 of Back Home For Christmas

“You should have been there with us running the booth!” Darren said. “Don’t you care at all?”

“Don’t accuse me of not caring, Darren! All I ever do is care too damn much. If you cared, then you would be honest with the people at this table,” I said. His eyes grew wide, and his face turned ashen.

“What is she talking about, Darren?” mom said.

“What is your problem?” Darren asked, scooting his chair back so he could stand and look at me.

“What is your problem?” I asked.

“I didn’t have a problem until you came home and tried to make everything about yourself,” he said.

“What?” I asked. “Are you out of your mind?” I felt tears building behind my eyelashes. I tried to wrap myself tightly in a blanket of rage, but the hurt crept in. “I have done nothing but try to help you. But I’m done with the secrets and the nonsense. You are all crazy and dysfunctional.” I made sure to point at everyone at the table.

“Me?” Aubrey said innocently. “I was only trying to help.”

Both Jay and I turned a fiery gaze on her. At least we were united in something. “Stay out of it, Aubrey,” Jay said.

“She’s the one who pointed at me!” She said.

“Please leave my girlfriend out of this. You need to get over high school eventually, Cat,” Darren said.

“Get over high school?” What a dismissive thing to say. It made me wonder if he knew that Jay had ruined my pictures. Or maybe he did, but he was too self-involved to care.

“Darren, what did Catherine want you to tell us?” Mom asked while dad looked between all of us as if watching a daytime soap, shoveling pancakes and bacon in his mouth.

“Nothing, mom,” Darren practically shouted.

“It’s not nothing. I have wallowed in public failure several times. It is time for you to experience just a little bit. Besides, we can help you,” I said. “Mom and Dad would still think you are a golden boy even if you shoveled shit for a living.”

“Catherine, don’t be so dramatic. You know we love you,” Mom said.

“Sure, just not as much as Darren,” I said.

“That is very childish. It isn’t a competition,” she said.

“Isn’t it?” I asked. “You sure as hell made it feel that way.”

“Don’t be silly, Catherine,” she said. I looked around the room in disbelief. Either they were all out of their mind or I was. There were no other explanations for the absolute insanity that happened when we all got together.

“Darren, tell her.” I said with absolute finality.

“You just want me to be the fuck up instead of you,” he said. “We all know you extended your final course. Was it because you failed the first time around?”

“I don’t give a shit. After this week, I am leaving, with or without a degree. I can’t stay. There is nothing here for me,” I said, swallowing back overwhelming emotions. I had thought very briefly that maybe there was something here for me. I trained my eyes on Darren, so they wouldn’t stray to Jay. “But your whole life is here. You have to be honest and face this problem head on. Everyone likes to pretend that I am childish, but you haven’t dealt with real adversity once. It’s time.”

The room was silent as Darren looked around. Aubrey was shaking her head no. While Jay stared at the table, and my parents looked worriedly at Darren.

“I borrowed too much money,” he said finally. “I tried to grow too much too fast and I owe more money than we are set to make back. I borrowed money from Jay to cover the bank loan.”

“Oh Darren,” Mom said, hands to mouth in shock and horror that her baby had royal fucked up. “How did this happen? We trusted you.”

“I am fixing it, Mom. I didn’t want you to have to worry. The shop and the booth did amazing last night. We are going to recover,” he said. I felt awful. He looked so sad and dejected.

“I just can’t believe this. I mean, you have always been so responsible. Maybe Catherine, but not you,” Mom said, and I officially had enough.

“Jesus, mom. What the hell? All my life, you have treated me like a second-class citizen. You have doted on Darren like he could do no wrong, and in the end it hurt both of us. Darren has to live up to unreasonable expectations, and I have to fight every second of my life for someone to give me any credit for my accomplishments. You need to get over it. And Darren, I love you. You fucked up, but it isn’t anything you can’t handle. I believe in you. But, your girlfriend and best friend are terrible people. Aubrey’s life mission in school was to make my life a living hell. And Jay ruined my photos for the scholarship contest. He is the reason I am a psychologist major. You need to make better choices.”

I turned to leave when the doorbell rang. The room fell into a tense silence.

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