Page 27 of Back Home For Christmas

“I guess,” I said.

He lifted a plastic bag covered in the words, thank you. “I got snacks.”

“Cool,” I said, brushing past him and reaching for the door at the same time he did. I froze and turned to him; my eyebrows scrunched in anger. “Were you trying to open the door for me?”

“Um, is that okay?” He asked.

“No, no, it isn’t okay. You need to cut this nice guy shit out. You are not a nice guy. You are not my friend. You do not open doors. We are going to spend the rest of this trip fighting like we always do. You will tell me that I smell, and I will tell you that your face looks stupid, just like we have done our whole lives. We will get the chocolate, get back home, set up our booth, where I will kick your ass, prove I am amazing, rub your face into your own sad pathetic failure and go back to my life knowing that I left you questioning everything you thought you knew about yourself because I so thoroughly put you in your place like you have deserved your whole damn life. Understood.” During my tirade, I had crept closer to Jay.

I stopped breathless, only an inch from his body. My skin tingled with our closeness, betraying the promise I just made. He hadn’t taken his eyes from my own gaze the entire time I talked to him. Now there was a mix of unflappable intensity and amusement in his eyes.

“Understood,” he said, a smile brightening his face, ending our potent staring contest as a thick snowflake landed on my cheek. He lifted his hand, cupped my chin and rubbed his calloused thumb across my face. I swallowed hard as his touch ran through the entire length of my body, leaving me out of breath. My thoughts turned dirty as I thought about what else he might be able to do with those strong fingers, before I shook my head and pulled away to climb into the truck. I slammed the door behind me both so he couldn’t close it for me and so he got my point loud and clear.

He walked around the front of the car, and I had to force myself not to watch the way his red and green sweater moved over his body or his tight jeans framed his ass just so. There is something seriously wrong with me, I thought with a shake of my head. I just had to remember the way he hid my book bag every morning before school for an entire month. Or how he read my book of poems out loud to Aubrey and Darren. That one hurt. Okay. I could do this.

He climbed into the truck, filling it with his piney scent. I wondered if he wore that specifically during the holidays or if he always smelled that way. He passed me the bag of snacks and started the car. When I peeked inside, I saw a bag of Funyuns and a bag of combos.

“Ooh pretzel and cheddar,” I said.

“They used to be your favorite. I wasn’t sure if that had changed,” he said.

“How would you know what my favorite car snack is?” I asked. He shrugged. I pulled the Funyuns out and threw them at him as he pulled out of the gas station.

“Hey, those plastic corners are sharp. I could have lost an eye, then no one would be getting cocoa this year.”

“Eh, it would be worth it. Especially if you had to wear an eye patch the rest of your life,” I said. “You know Funyons are gross, anyway. Freeze-dried onions?”

“I just didn’t want you to be tempted to kiss me again,” he said, glancing at me from the corner of his eye with a smirk.

“You are a top tier jerk. I was drunk, and I think you took advantage,” I said.

“Took advantage while you threw yourself at me? I’ll have to be more careful,” he said.

“Don’t worry, it will never ever happen again. It was a momentary lapse in judgement that we will never talk about,” I said.

“Of course,” he said, as he opened his Funyuns with his teeth and one free hand while the other stayed on the wheel. “Hey, look at us. Fighting so well,” he said.

I rolled my eyes as I popped a combo into my mouth. “Did you ever talk to Darren about Aubrey?” I asked.

“Not much,” he said. I watched him for signs of his mood darkening, but I didn’t see any. Either he was very good at hiding it, or he didn’t feel much of anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if he felt nothing. Up until this week, I didn’t think Jay was capable of normal human feelings.

“How long have they been seeing each other?” I asked.

“He didn’t say,” he said.

“He told me that she was a friend during tough times, and then it just turned into more, I guess, but I don’t know when that happened,” I said. “I’m not sure how to feel about it. Aubrey was kind of terrible when we were in school, but Darren claims she changed.”

“She hasn’t changed,” he said. I swirled my head so quickly I almost gave myself whiplash.

“What?” I asked.

“I don’t think Aubrey is capable of change. That’s all. But I don’t want to get involved.” As we spoke, the heavy flakes of snow started falling faster. Soon, I couldn’t see grass or sand on either side of us as it turned into a blanket of white.

“But you are capable of change?” I asked.

He shrugged and stayed quiet for a while, and I thought he might never answer. “Maybe I haven’t changed at all. Like I said, my life revolves around work. It’s possible that everyone I work with thinks I’m as big an asshole as you do. I want to be different, but who knows?” I felt the impulse to re-assure him in some way that he seemed nicer, at least on the surface, than he had in all the years since I met him, but that would be breaking the rules I set for the remainder of the car ride.

“Alright, no more serious talk, please. We are supposed to be mortal enemies, remember?”

---