Page 14 of The Secrets of a Sin

“Can I… Can I go now? I need a shower.” I hold my hands out and feel the sudden urge to scrub my hands till they're white.

“Yes, you’re free to go.” An officer nods but Principal Welch’s hand tightens.

“Are you sure you will be okay?” Her sincerity catches me off guard but with a small nod, she releases her grip.

Scurrying past everyone, I rush to my room bypassing girls who are standing in the halls, whispering to one another. Once I make it inside, I speedily grab my shower caddy, clothes and a towel and make a beeline for the showers. As I enter the shower stall, I quickly make work of stripping off my clothes. The fabric peels off easily, smacking the floor as my leggings and tank top slip from my fingers. Reaching for the nozzle, I twist it until a stream of water crashes down over me, causing my eyes to shut and my head to tilt back.

My fingers reach for the hair tie that's holding my ponytail together and I tug on it until my brown locks tumble down my back. I let out a small sigh of relief as the tension on my head immediately evaporates from the warmth of the water.

With my eyes still tightly closed, I'm assaulted with images of Phoebe.

Her lifeless corpse sprawled out for the whole school to see, as blood covered her head to toe. It was anything from a graceful death. It was one you'd find in a horror movie with lots of fake blood-a gory scene that was clearly done over the top.

But this was real life, not some low budget horror film.

A St. Catherine's girl was dead.

Her body displayed like she wanted to be seen by everyone.

Instantly my stomach began to contort, and I found myself leaning a hand against the shower tiles to hold myself up. Dizziness plagued my senses, and my breathing was labored as I tried gasping for air. In and out, I felt on the brink of collapsing. Knees wobbly and eyes burning, I dropped down onto the cold tiled floor. Wrapping my arms around my legs, tears flooded my vision, streaming down my face until they dispersed at my feet.

“Dear Lord, please give me strength in this period of need. Please... take away all my worry and give me strength so I can accomplish what is in front of me. I have ultimate trust in you. Amen.” The prayer fell from my lips in a stuttering mess of words as my head was raised towards the heavens.

I needed his guidance. Now more than ever.

Still seated on the shower floor, my eyes were focused on the drain. A stream of red circled around me as my tears mixed in with Phoebe’s blood. My breathing hitched and I couldn’t tear my eyes off the water. Our fluids danced together in a harmonized rotation before they disappeared down the drain. Oddly I felt Phoebe and I were intertwined in this moment, as if I could feel her pain enter me. Her sorrow filled my chest to the point that I couldn't breath and I was clawing at my bare chest. Perhaps this was a sign from God.

An Epiphany.

Maybe God was trying to tell me something. That Phoebe’s death was my awakening-a stride towards finding absolution from my addiction. But it made no sense. How could this be my penance?

“What is it you want from me?” I cry out to an empty shower room hoping for a reply. But no one answered. I was left with nothing but a vague sign that could have been wrongly interpreted by my weak state. For all I know, I could be losing my fucking mind.

And I probably was.

I saw too much today anyway.

So, instead of looking more into it, I resumed with washing myself and my hair as I sat on the ground. My tears soon stopped, and I was freshly cleaned and ready to put this day behind me along with all the other shitty days I’ve had.

But this one jumped to the top of the list. And I wasn’t quite sure if I’d ever be the same again.

3

CHARLOTTE

Parents and Guardians,

It comes with great sorrow to announce the sudden death of a student at St. Catherine’s. As of Thursday morning, our faculty notified the authorities, and a complex investigation took place and ruled out the possibility of foul play. We're taking extra precautions at this time and are offering counseling to any of those who feel they need it.

At St. Catherine’s, we want to provide our ladies with a safe haven. We strive on being the best, and it is our belief that our school is the lord's blessing. With strong faith and loyal families, we will get through this together.

A memorial will be held on September 16th at 5 p.m. in the campus church.

Any questions or concerns, feel free to contact the administration.

Cora Welch

Principle of St. Catherine’s School for Young Women

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