Page 92 of The Secrets of a Sin

“Curious to know about Phoebe’s involvement?” She raises a brow. I’m too shocked to think or even process what’s going on. I peer at Arsen and plead with my eyes to have him look at me instead of them, but he appears so fucking lost.

“What did you do to her?” I ask angrily, asking the question that can’t seem to fall out of Arsen’s mouth.

“What didn’t we do to her.” Priscilla chuckles, and Arsen goes ballistic. His chair falls over in the process, and he smacks the ground hard but continues to thrash and shout curses. I was aching to help him. Soothe him, anything that would take away his pain and even the pure hatred I saw cross his features.

30

PHOEBE

The day I died

God, I missed him. I missed his smell, the way he wraps his arms around me, and how his mouth kisses me with a fiery passion. Denying him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Avoiding him, ignoring him made my heart physically throb in pain, but I couldn’t let them expose him. I couldn’t let him lose his career and life because of an unlawful romance he had with me. He was seventeen years my senior, and yet, I still managed to fall head over heels in love with him, a man I was never supposed to be with.

He was my initiation. My bet.

Annalise, Priscilla and Verity.

The three girls I so desperately wanted to be friends with. I wanted the companionship, the laughs, the everyday gossip, and the secrets that came along with friendship. But instead, they had other plans for me. When I approached them, they made me a deal. Make Mr. Ben fall in love with me, then when the time came, break his heart by reporting him to the authorities. If or when I succeeded, I would finally be a part of their group. It sounded cruel to ruin an innocent man's life, especially one I always thought was a great teacher. But my desperation for friends got the best of me, and I foolishly accepted. I was blinded by their impeccable hair and teeth and their charisma. I knew I wanted to be just like them. I wanted to carry the same strength and allure they had, as well as their ability to charm anyone with just a single glance.

Our relationship started fairly innocent. In the beginning, I don’t even think he realized I was coming onto him until about a week into my attempts. I’d send him notes regularly, and to my surprise, he wrote back. He mentioned he was going through a divorce and that he had a seven-year-old son at home. Regret immediately consumed me, but I continued to write him anyway. Soon, as time passed, it blossomed into something more and something I couldn’t avoid. Our private notes turned into meeting each other. Then as we spent more time together, we grew braver and more reckless. My love for him cultivated out of nowhere, and I knew I had to stop the deal I had with the girls.

I confessed that I had fallen in love and could no longer go through with the deal, but that only seemed to irritate them more. They threatened to tell the faculty themselves, but I made a promise to end things with him instead. They reluctantly agreed to the terms, and I broke his heart along with mine. He didn’t understand my decision, but I was only doing it for him. For his son. And, in the process, I ruined myself.

Days later, my body felt off. My breasts were aching, and I had a queasy stomach. I ran to the closest general store and bought a pregnancy test. After peeing on the stick, it felt like hours as I waited for the results, and when I looked, two blue lines appeared.

Pregnant.

I was fucking pregnant with Ben’s baby.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t concentrate, but ultimately, I felt happy. As scared as I should have been, I wasn't. This surprise may have been earlier than I expected, but I knew I wanted a baby of my own. A family. And I wanted it to be with Ben.

As I rushed back to St. Catherine’s, eager to tell Ben and find some way to make this work, I ran into Annalise. She eyed the stick in my hand and realized that I was carrying his child. We talked for hours about my predicament, and I begged her to let me be with him. She agreed but had a stipulation. I had to meet her tonight. To meet them all tonight in the white dresses they wear for special occasions.

Despite the incompletion of my initiation, she still wanted me in their group.

So, here I was now, dressed in all white, standing in the center of the courtyard, waiting for them to show. A part of me regrets not immediately going to Ben and telling him the news, but that would have to wait until tomorrow. Peering up into the starry night, I place a palm over my belly and smile. I was going to be a mom. Genuine happiness filled my heart. I went from a life of torture and pain to soon-to-be bliss with a man I adored and friends that I wanted for a lifetime. But another person came to mind, and a tear fell down my cheek.

Arsen.

My brooding, overprotective brother was going to be an uncle. I told him years ago that one day I was going to have a family, and my dreams were finally coming true.

“Little raven.” A voice from behind me calls out, and I immediately recognize it as Annalise. The nickname was something only the three of them called me, and to my surprise, it stuck. I whirl around on my feet and find her standing next to a garden of flowers, with a delightful grin across her face. Her smile immediately causes my mouth to upturn, but when I take in her appearance, confusion strikes me. She’s not wearing a white gown like she said she was going to. Instead, she was still dressed in her school uniform. “You look like an angel.”

My face flushes from her compliment, and I grab the sides of the nightgown and pull. “It’s comfortable.” I admit with a toothy grin. “But where’s yours?”

She continues to stare at my form in a way I can’t comprehend. It’s different, almost sensual in a way that I’ve never noticed from her before. “We thought we’d let you be the radiant one tonight.” She claims as her feet begin to carry her closer to me. My breath drawbacks as I watch her gracefully close the distance between us.

God, she was so beautiful.

Blonde, delicate, lithe. She was the ideal woman. She was everything I wasn’t and just being in her presence felt ethereal.

“And you didn’t disappoint.” She circles me while skimming her hand on the fabric of the gown. “I’m envious of this skin.” Her digits brush over my hand, and I instantly feel a shot of electricity shoot through me. “So pale and beautiful.”

My heartbeat rises as her admiration seems too good to be true. Not once has she praised me before, but the feeling felt exhilarating.

“And this hair.” She tangles her hand in my curly locks tied at my nape with a bow. “Like raven feathers.”

I was too stunned to move or talk, so I remained quiet. Her fingers gently rub at my scalp, and I gradually find myself closing my eyes from the delirious feeling. I relished in her acceptance of me. I want her to like me, and now that I know she appreciates my features, I feel more at ease.

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