Page 45 of The Secrets of a Sin

Every part of me melts. “Okay.” I breathe out.

Another few minutes go by, and Arsen breaks the silence this time. “I’m a painter.”

Huh?

“You told me to tell you something happy, and that makes me have feelings other than hate.” He answers, and I feel like it’s a slight victory for me. I honestly never thought Arsen would tell me anything personal about his life, but this was a step closer.

“What do you paint?”

Shrugging, he gradually nuzzles himself into my neck causing my eyes to flutter. “Whatever I want.”

Arsen was a painter. I honestly don’t know what I thought he did in his spare time, but that wasn’t it. Perhaps something with guns or knives, something dangerous and pain-inducing.

“I’d like to watch you sometime.” I admit, despite how creepy that sounded coming out.

Jerking back, he chuckles. “Why?”

“Because I’d like to see you happy. It’s rare. Like a shooting star that only comes every thousand years.” I answer, and I feel the rapid beat of his heart increase at my back.

Coughing, he doesn’t respond to my statement. Instead, he puts his mouth to my ear. “What makes you happy?”

What did make me happy?

The answer wasn’t as easy as I intended it to be and I stump myself with my answer.

“I honestly can’t remember a time where I felt truly happy.”

Right here, right now, I felt happy, but I didn't want to admit that to him.

“That’s… sad.”

It would be sad if it were true but admitting that I had any feelings for Arsen would only end up harming my heart in the end. This was a fluke. Having Arsen hold me like this was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. In truth, this meant nothing to him. I was doing nothing more than soothing his pain as a pain reliever would, and in the end, it would dissolve into nothing, exactly like a pill.

We stay sitting on the hood of his car for a bit longer and let the silence fill our surroundings. I would stay in his arms all night if I could, but all good things must come to an end, and unfortunately, this tender moment would most likely never happen again. So once his arms start to loosen and the warmth of him begins to dissipate, I know that his use of me is over. He got what he wanted, or he finally realized that this was too much for him. Either way, I still saw a side of him I thought I’d never get to see. Deep down, he wasn't full of cruelty and greed like I originally thought. He had a heart, despite the condition it may be in, broken or nearly broken. I witnessed the vulnerability in him that made me think he wasn’t as tough as I thought.

He was human.

He’s a man who’s endured inhumanity and malice of the worst kind and yet still sought the comfort of another human. Sought my comfort, and I did the same in him. Perhaps our needs weren’t so different, but there was one significant disparity that set us apart.

I wanted more.

He didn’t.

So, on our drive back to St. Catherine’s, I didn’t utter a single word. I remained quiet like he wanted earlier, and when he dropped me off, I didn’t say goodbye either. I wanted him to engage with me first. I wanted his desperate voice to stop me and tell me what I wanted to hear.

But he never did.

Instead, he drove off after I closed the passenger door, leaving me standing in a pile of my own humiliation.

14

CHARLOTTE

Gathering up what's left of my dignity, I manage to make it through the halls of St. Catherine’s without being discovered, and finally make it to my room. With heavy eyes and the smell of Arsen still lingering on my skin, I open my door and walk inside. Immediately flipping on the lights, I start to peel my dress off my body when I notice something on my bed. A red piece of paper catches my eye, and I slowly walk towards it with apprehensive steps. Once I’m in reach, I grab the note.

Stay away from Arsen.

He will only ruin you.

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