Page 37 of The Secrets of a Sin

Shifting my body, I brush back my hair till it rests behind my ear and focus on a small rock that rests in the middle of our circle. I wasn’t going to be able to tell them unless I was distracted by something. I could already feel their prying eyes dissecting me, but with a deep inhale, I lay it all out. “I’m a sex addict.” The foreign words fly out of my mouth, expecting a gasp or at least a laugh, but it never comes. I’ve only admitted my addiction a couple of times, and that was to my parents and therapists. So, saying it to a group of strangers was terrifying.

“Go on.” Annalise encourages me with a soft voice that has my stiff frame relaxing.

“I uh... I never really saw myself as an addict. The urges started slow, then eventually completely consumed my life. It was all I could think about.” I continue but lift my eyes briefly and catch Priscilla’s riveted stare. “One thing led to another, and a video of me got posted online. My parents found out. My life was ruined, and so was my reputation. So, now here I am.”

I wasn’t prepared for their reactions at all, but the second a deep chuckle escapes from Priscilla’s mouth, my gaze quickly crashes with hers. “A sex addict? Seriously? If you’re a fucking sex addict, then I’m a sex addict.” She continues to laugh, but no one else finds it amusing as I cower, feeling humiliated with a frown on my face. As her laughter dies down, she tilts her head in an observing way, and she tugs on her lower lip. My eyes are immediately drawn to the gentle pressure of her top teeth sinking into the dark pink flesh of her lip. As my gaze steadily lifts, I can tell right away what she is doing as her eyes blacken and swirl with fervor. She may not like me, but the way her stare was solely focused on me, she was most definitely intrigued. “You like cock, huh? Or do you prefer pussy like me?” She asks with electricity in her eyes and a glint of desire in their depths. “Or both?”

Annalise whips her hand in Priscilla’s direction and smacks her bare leg hard, causing her to shout in agony. “What the fuck, Annalise?” I swear I could sense a hint of jealousy in her tone, but it soon drifted off as Priscilla cried, rubbing at the red handprint now imprinted on her skin. “That hurt.” She whines with a pout.

“I told her we wouldn’t judge her!” Annalise screams in a menacing tone that has everyone tensing up. Her chilling voice doesn’t sound anything like her. The same goes for her now dingy colored eyes that look seconds from striking Priscilla again. “Apologize.” She demands roughly. Priscilla grunts lowly as she rubs at her wound but remains silent and defiant. I glance over at Verity to see if she’s as shocked as I am, but she appears indifferent as if this sort of arguing happens all the time.

The eeriness of the forest wasn’t making things better either. The sky was cloudy, creating a greyish effect all around us, and there was a low howling sound from the wind as it rushed through the trees. I wasn’t superstitious, but the high tension between the girls, the creepy ancient ruins, and, of course, being coerced into an ominous forest that was likely home to serial killers made my blood run cold and an alarming sensation to strike me brutally.

What exactly was their plan for me anyway? What was so unique about me out of all the other girls at St. Catherine’s that made them want to be my friend?

It didn’t make sense. None of what has happened in the past couple weeks makes sense.

“You’ve been a real sour bitch lately, and if you think for one second, I’m going to tolerate it any longer, you have a whole other thing coming. And I promise you.” Annalise speaks with authority and sternness that has us all at attention, even Priscilla. “You won’t fucking like it at all.” A strange silence passes between them while their eyes are on each other in a war of emotions. They stare and stare until Annalise breaks the silence. “Now, Charlotte. It must have been tough admitting that to yourself.”

“Uhh, yeah. I guess.” I nod.

“And how do you think you’re doing? Think you’ll be able to get out of here soon?” Verity questions as Priscilla rolls her eyes.

“I hope.” I answer truthfully, but I knew I wasn’t any closer to being fixed from the day I started. I wanted to believe that I was doing better, but the reality was, I was damned. Each day was a struggle, and with Arsen, I find myself clawing for a taste of evil.

“How is the sex? I imagine it’s pretty fucking amazing with all the urges you feel.” Verity smiles wickedly, causing my cheeks to flame and my hair to fall over my face like a curtain.

“Don’t answer that.” Annalise shakes her head in disbelief, and reaches her hand towards me to brush the hairs out of my face and behind my ear.

“I think what she’s trying to get across is, why would you want to suppress those feelings? You were made and programmed the way God intended, and you should be proud of who you are. He made us all unique. Each and every one of us. So, why not embrace what you truly are? Fucking own it.” Annalise proudly states with her chin lifted high and a serious expression across her face.

I couldn’t decide whether to be impressed by what she said or worried. I wasn’t like the three of them. Sure, a part of me wanted to say screw it and indulge in the addiction at times when I felt hopeless. I wanted my body devoured until I forgot every flaw I had. To live a carefree life where I could do whatever I pleased without the disappointment of my parents.

It would be much easier if I did that, but I knew I couldn’t.

“I’m not telling you what to do.” Annalise smiled at me with soft eyes that soothed away any worry. “I just want you to know you’re beautiful the way you are.” Her eyes subtly drop down the length of me before rising in a grin that causes my heart rate to climb.

Why was she being so damn sweet to me?

“Time to go.” Priscilla announces, causing all our eyes to follow her movement. “We’ve been here too long already.” Her grumpy tone and void eyes give me a sense of jealousy. Was she jealous of Annalise? Was she jealous of me?

As we all walked back to the school, the foreign feeling of finally being accepted causes a smile to appear on my lips. Since we're all walking in a horizontal line, no one can see my joy, but I was completely okay with that.

“Fuck.” Annalise grumbles angrily beside me as we all catch the stiff form of Principal Welch with her hands on her hips. Her heated eyes drag over the four of us, displaying her blatant disapproval of our actions until she finally focuses on Annalise. We all knew what was coming, a trip to confessions along with penance and perhaps some other disciplinary actions. But oddly enough, when I glance at all three of them, they seem more than ready for their punishment.

“Ditching class again, I see.” Principal Welch announces with a deep scowl directed towards Annalise.

“It was for educational purposes.” She responds with a wide smile that has Verity giggling under her palm. Clearly not amused, Principal Welch meets my stare, and I can still sense the slight apprehension in her eyes from our previous engagement involving Arsen’s foul mouth. “Right, Charlotte?” Annalise crosses her arms, noticing the strange interaction between Principal Welch and me. At first, her question doesn’t register right away because I was so accustomed to the nickname ‘little mouse’, but with a soft jab to my shoulder, I nod my head. “Yeah. Educational purposes. We thought that maybe by praying under the trees God created, we’d be closer to heaven.” I come up with the lie swiftly. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch all three of them grinning ear to ear from my obvious lie, while Principal Welch narrows her eyes as if she can’t tell if I’m telling the truth or not.

“If that was true, you should have spoken to a teacher.” She grunts, removing her hands from her hips. “But you, Charlotte, have a visitor.” She aims her stare at me once again, and this perks up my interest immediately.

I never receive visitors.

As I’m about to ask who it is, Detective Rolland appears out of nowhere, sauntering over to us with a slight gimp that I never noticed the day we met. Dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a long sleeve tee, he looks the furthest thing from a cop, especially with the backward ball cap that’s resting over his head of curls.

“Holy fuck.” Verity mumbles next to me as he stops next to Principal Welch. I can’t blame her for her reaction because, for a second there, he had my full attention as well. He was rugged and manly, like the kind of man you would find at a hardware store; a good-with-his-hands type of man.

Coming to a stop next to Principal Welch, he shoves his hands into his front pockets and observes us all. I can hear the short intake of breath coming from Verity next to me whenever his eyes scan over hers, and I swear his stare lingers on her a second too long for it to be considered ‘glancing’. He quickly shifts his focus to me, and a slight grin appears across his lips. “Good to see you’re staying out of trouble, Charlotte.” He mocks jokingly, making Principal Welch roll her eyes briefly.

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