Page 34 of The Secrets of a Sin

“How was I supposed to tell you?” My voice rises as my eyes glance back and forth between both of them. “I’m supposed to be perfect.” My voice cracks, causing my throat to tighten painfully. “And I was for the majority of my life. I did what you asked. I remained clean and pure for the sake of our livelihood and your career, but I couldn’t pretend any longer. I was sick of hiding behind this facade and constantly beating myself up over what I couldn’t control. I was at my limit, and every emotion I was feeling, and the urges just pushed me over the edge where I couldn’t stop.”

“We never expected perfection from you, Charlotte.” My mom shakes her head as her tonality softens.

“Well, having a sex addict for a daughter isn’t exactly what you expected either, but here I am.” I lift both hands before dropping them sluggish at my sides. My eyes burn, but the tears have stopped falling, and all I feel is numb.

“We can get you help.” My dad speaks up from beside my mother. He takes a hesitant step towards me, and I flinch. “We can fix you, Charlotte. Fix the pain you're in… stop this addiction.” He frowns as he takes another step forward.

Chuckling lightly, I shake my head. “Help? Like pills and sex addicts anonymous? Just imagine all the headlines about the Mayor's whore of a daughter.”

My mother gasps and rushes me quickly. I brace for another hit to the face, but instead, her soft fingers grasp each cheek and pull me in close until we are directly eye-to-eye. “No one will find out about this. It will be our secret, and we will take it to the grave, both your father and I.” She presses. “You will go to whatever therapy or meetings needed and fix this. We will find you the best of help, the best care, and this….disease will go away. It has to.” Her eyes brim with fresh tears, and all I can do is stare back.

I have to be fixed.

I have to be fixed.

But...what If I don’t want to be?

10

CHARLOTTE

“Little mouse.” Annalise appears out of nowhere with her signature perfect smile and hair styled in an elegant ponytail. Startled, I leap off the ground with a yelp and a hand to my hammering heart. “What are you doing in Phoebe's old locker?” She tilts her head to the side as my finger slowly closes around the metal.

Why did she always show up at the worst time?

“Oh, nothing.” I return a small smile as her penetrating eyes bore through me. Why did she have to be so goddamn intense all the time?

“Huh...” She opens her mouth a smidge while her tongue rests on the roof of her mouth. “Well, if you're not busy, us girls are ditching class, and I'd love for you to accompany us.” She wiggles her eyebrows as my stare hovers above her shoulders, noticing Priscilla and Verity watching our interaction closely.

“Uh, that's okay.” I decline, finding it hard to say while our eyes are connected. “I think it's best if I just stay here and get to class.” Annalise shakes her head with a chuckle.

“Don't be silly, it'll be fun!” She bounces on her heels. “When was the last time you've had fun?”

Honestly, I can't even remember, but I don't plan on telling her that. “I have loads of fun all the time.” I scoff, but she raises a brow in disbelief.

“You're a terrible liar, little mouse.” She laughs as it spews out of her mouth like a beautiful melody.

Why did she have to be so perfect at everything she did?

“No girl at St. Catherine's has fun anymore. They're either too devoted to God or trying to cure their defects.” She emphasizes the word ‘trying’ like it's foolish of us to hope one day we’ll be rid of our problem. “Words from the wise.” She leans in close, her mouth a breath away from grazing my ear. “I've been here over two years now, and still haven't been fixed. God doesn't want to heal us. He wants us to embrace our flaws.” Stunned by her confession, she pulls away slightly.

“Why do you think that?” I question, troubled by her logic.

“That's a conversation for another time.” She grins, glancing back at Priscilla and Verity with a wide smile. “So, are you in or not?”

I wanted to say no. Everything inside me screamed to tell her no, but something in my head forced the words ‘ok’ to spill out of my mouth before I could stop them. Her pink lips widened, and she quickly grabbed onto my hand, wrapped her slim fingers around my palm and dragged me towards the other two girls. Her skin felt eerily cold against mine that I almost pulled out of her grip, but the second we stopped in front of Priscilla and Verity, she dropped her hold. “I guess you’ve convinced her to come.” Priscilla nods toward me with a half-eaten sucker dangling from her mouth and a slight scowl. By her tone, she sounded half-surprised and partly annoyed that I would be tagging along, but Annalise quickly fixed that when she pulled the sucker out of Priscilla’s mouth and stuck it in her own. Priscilla’s eyes shifted from bored to lecherous as she watched Annalise swirl her tongue around the stick, and in all honesty, I was slightly transfixed by the movement myself. But not in the same way Priscilla was.

“It took some convincing, but I think I persuaded her.” Annalise grins, glancing over at me before grabbing the end of the sucker and handing it back to Priscilla. “The grape flavor isn’t as good as cherry.” Priscilla snatches the sucker back and slowly lays it on her tongue before letting out an inaudible groan that apparently only I seem to have noticed.

“Have you ever ditched before?” Verity asks with a tilted head, causing her red waves to fall past her shoulders. I hesitate to answer, not wanting them to think I was a total loser, but by her wide smirk, she seems to have found her answer. “We don’t do anything crazy. Well, not recently, but we try to do this at least once a month. Just to get away from here, you know?”

“Yah, I understand.” I nod, brushing back a chuck of hair behind my ear. I knew the feeling of wanting to ‘escape’ this place all too well, even if it was for just a few hours. It wasn’t like we were trapped here and not allowed to leave, but where was I going to go? My family was over two hundred miles away, and the closest thing that I had to a friend was my sponsor. I had no one.

“Well, let’s hurry out of here before Welch catches us again.” Annalise announces with irritation as she bounces on her toes. “I swear that lady is a bigger freak show than all of us girls here combined.” The mention of Principal Welch prompts the memories of Arsen’s oration on how she was trying to seduce him. He was most likely making it all up at that moment, but the way she became all defensive made me think otherwise.

Maybe he wasn’t lying. Maybe she has issues like the rest of us.

Trailing beside Annalise and Verity, we quickly saunter down the corridor, exiting the academic wing before bypassing the main entrance and stepping out into the vast parking lot. “So where exactly are we going?” I question as we continue to walk across the parking lot, heading for the forest that separates our school from the rest of society. Students were told by St. Catherine’s faculty to never venture into the woods, known as ‘Devil's Barrens’, but it just entices us girls even more. Especially the ones who craved excitement and danger. And, apparently, all three of them did. My stare then lingers on Annalise, who has a bounce in her step, almost like she’s happily skipping along the concrete. Her blond ponytail sashays with every hard step, and her skirt follows suit.

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