Page 50 of Tarnished Reign

He's dealing with a real person, however, and this girl is fed up with being a victim.

“You still look worried,” I say.

“This thing between us is intense,” he says. “I don't want it to lead to anyone getting hurt. Emotionally, I mean.”

“I promise I'll let you down gently when it comes time to end it,” I say with a wink.

He bursts out laughing. “Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Littleblue?”

“This is the real me. I've just always had her hidden in the corner. Too scared to let her out.”

“What changed?”

“You,” I say.

We turn away from each other at the same moment and look at the desk. It's as if the truth between us is too much for either of us to hold right now. Much easier instead to focus on Dorian and the paperwork he left so carelessly in the drawer here.

We sift through the documents, but none of it means much to me. I feel the rigidity in him before I glance over and see him focused intently, his jaw clenched. He gives me a sharp look without any of the passion that was evident moments ago.

“Can you do me a favor?” he asks. “Would you please go and find Alexis and ask him to come meet me here?”

“Yes, of course. I'll be back in a moment.”

“Just Alexis, Adriana.”

“What have you found? I have a right to know.”

“Jesus, can’t you do as you’re asked for one moment? Go fetch Alexis.”

His words hurt and though I know there must be a reason for him not wanting me here, it stings because it’s my damn life. I'm not about to become the clingy, desperate girl who makes every interaction a nightmare, though.

This is a dangerous game for me. Of course I'm not in love with him, I don't know him, but I lead with my heart. I'm the sort of person who spent my life wanting to feel like I belong. Looking for a home. Basically, I've spent my life wanting someone to love me. Ever since I lost my mother, I've been a heat-seeking missile trying to find someone who cares as much about me as she did.

Not that anyone can replace a mother. A mother gives unconditional love, and that's a magical gift you can't get from anyone else. I would still like to be first in someone's life, though. Hana is first for my father now. She is his wife, and I suppose that's right. It doesn't stop the hurt. Everyone is somebody’s first. Except me.

My thoughts bring me full circle back around to my feelings of loneliness. I throw one last glance back at Dimitri, but his dark head is already bent down to the papers, studying them intently.

I turn and leave the room and go to search for Alexis.

13

DIMITRI

The door closes behind her, and I lift my head and suck in a breath.

Jesus fuck.

That kiss.

That fucking kiss.

I thought this was mere lust. I believed I could take her, possess her. Slate my desire and obsession on her and then … what? Let her go? Maybe. Or, perhaps, keep her as my beautiful trophy wife. No feelings involved.

Well, some feelings. Possessiveness. Ownership. Admiration. Not love, though. Not that.

Not ever that.

Then I kissed her.

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