Page 49 of Hazard

“You don’t have to check the windows. I have made sure that you’re safe.”

“I can’t seem to help myself,” she said in a small voice.

“That’s because you’re experiencing PTSD symptoms. Hypervigilance, anger, nightmares, and flashbacks. I know, Leigh. Navy SEALs have to deal with it, too. It seems worse when you encounter the Marines. Why are they a trigger?”

Normally, she would have nailed him with some sharp snippy comment, but she didn’t say a word, the most awful look in her eyes. Then she covered her face with her hands and simply fell apart. Feeling as if he had made a bad choice in confronting her, Hazard started for her.

He was just about to grab her when Leigh stuck her arm out, as if blocking him. “Don’t,” she sobbed. “I can’t handle you being nice to me right now.”

He wasn’t sure what the hell to do, and it wasn’t the first time he felt so out of his depth with this beautiful, complicated woman. She visibly pulled herself together and roughly dried her face on the arm of her shirt. Leigh was running on sheer grit and not a whole lot else, and he wasn’t going to stand around, waiting for her to unravel.

He took her arm. “Sit down, babe,” he said, drawing her to the bed.

She mustered some attitude and gave him a sour look, but she did sit down.

“PTSD is a complicated thing. I don’t expect you to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me. I just need for you to know that I’m aware of what’s happening to you, and I’m here for you if you need me.”

He caught a glimmer of acute relief in her eyes as if a huge worry had been eliminated. His expression relaxed as he continued, his tone softer. “Come here,” he murmured.

15

Something inside her resisted him. Maybe PTSD was complicated, and maybe it was hindering her ability to pull herself together and dredging up all this old pain and regret, but she wasn’t ready to talk about anything plaguing her. She couldn’t. She had been through a boatload of trauma in a short span of time. She knew he was right down to her bones, but she couldn’t seem to allow herself to agree with him, to unburden herself to him. She couldn’t. No matter how much she craved his help.

She was so afraid. The fear was deep-seated and gave her no answers to that horrible shadow that followed her. That unknown fear kept her mouth shut, for now.

“Leigh?” he said, and she looked up, her expression reacting to the jolt of realization. Hazard was watching her, an odd thoughtful look in his eyes. He reached out and caught her by the back of the neck, giving her a little shake. “Whatever is happening to you. Let me help.”

She stared at him, suddenly dangerously close to tears again. What had happened to her wasn’t just the kidnapping and the fear…and the terrible death of Corporal…

How could you not remember his name? He gave his life for yours. Willingly.

She swallowed hard, frightened by the intensity of her frustration and pain. She pushed away that damn voice.

I will, she insisted.

The voice persisted. Ask someone for help. Ask them to tell you his name. Give in.

No! I will remember on my own without any help from anyone.

She shot up from the bed and paced away from him, groaning in despair. Hazard rose too, but she held up her hand. She was sick with the need to talk to him, get him to hold her, unburden herself, but the wad of fear in her throat just stuck and she couldn’t get those words past her lips. Instead, she snapped, “We are so entrenched in our own lives.” Her voice was strained, knowing these things had to be said. She stared at him, pleading with him to give her the time she needed to work this all out because if he pushed, she wasn’t sure she could resist him. “I need some time to be alone. Our lives have crossed in this place that only exists outside our boundaries because your normal world is the same as this one.”I can’t deal with all this right now. The most important thing is finding and apprehending Alzate. Do you understand?”

He was quiet for a moment, then he approached her. All she wanted to do was fold against his chest and spill her guts, but she didn’t have a clue what to say, what was plaguing her, besides the need to remember her corporal’s name.

He came closer and gently, oh, so gently, slipped a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “I understand better than you’re probably giving me credit for. I’ll give you time, Leigh, but even I have a limit to my patience. You’re running yourself into the ground, and I’ll admit, thinking things through can be beneficial, but dammit, woman, sometimes you just need some help.” He slipped past her walking toward his room, but before he slipped inside, he said, “That help is right here with my two arms to hold you, and my big, intelligent brain, and my open heart. I have many mad skills, and you aren’t alone, so take advantage of them.”

Her anger and defensiveness fractured at those words, and she walked over to the bed and plopped down on it, her heart melting and melting. How could she be such a fool and why, oh why, couldn’t she just give in?

She stripped down to her underwear and searched around for his T-shirt. She pulled it over her head, loving the scent of him all over it. She slipped under the covers and closed her eyes, determined to work everything out inside her muddled head. She just needed some sleep. That’s all.

The next thing she knew, she was thrashing against a hard, muscled form. His hands were around her wrists, and she knew she was fighting for her life.

“Babe,” Hazard whispered, and the sound of his voice made her gasp. It was his hands around her wrists because she’d been trying to fight him off, lost in a nightmare she could barely remember.

“It was just a nightmare,” she said. “I’m going to be fine. It’s going to pass, and I’ll be fine.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

She lifted her chin as he reached over and turned on the light. He took in her face and sighed.

---